It's no secret that I've been working my way to travel to Africa these past few months. And I'm not gonna lie...but I never actually expected to get there! I figured that the Lord put it on my heart, in obedience to Him I would agree to go on this trip & then the bottom would fall out & I'd get to stay in my cozy home while still feeling like a decent follower of the Living God. But, silly me, I must have forgotten that God is not about keeping me decent or about my "good reputation" as a "good child," He is about taking action, justice, love the orphan, the poor & the opressed. Did I not just wrap up a series about the orphan? Blah, how easily I forget!
Well...God did not forget. He heard me say I wanted to go and serve His loves in Africa & He made the way. Literally, it was not me. I raised next to nothing, despite my efforts to raise the money, I seriously raised like hardly any. But, somehow, my entire trip is funded. Yes, all $3,400 of it. Not including the money I needed for a passport and vaccinations...and none of that came out of my wallet either. Actually, the only thing that comes out of my wallet is dust! I am feeling beyond blessed & totally overwhelmed. No, seriously. I don't really care to travel. I traveled to Florida once. That was pretty cool. When we got there we got to meet our son. So, that travel was amazing. I took a cruise to Mexico once & a drive to Las Vegas, but other than that...I love adventure, but I prefer it in my own backyard. So, lemme just be the first one to say that I have absolutely no idea how to fly which is embarrassing considering that my husband works for T.S.A.
I also don't really want to go because I have never been away from Matthew for more than a night. For as long as I have known him we have never spent more than one night apart. Now, don't get me wrong, I enjoy my alone time & he enjoys his, but at night time I rest easy knowing he is next to me. Some nights he plays basketball and I have a hard time sleeping if he isn't home. Now God is asking me to sleep in a separate city, county, state...COUNTRY??? Yikes. Oh, and did I mention my son? Yes, the one I wanted so desperately, now I am leaving. I have been with him every single day since he was born. He has not lived one day in his nine months of life without being with me. I also enjoy my time apart from John John, it's rejuvenating & refreshing but I kinda like the fact that after a few hours I'm ready to go home and see my boy. And now I am going away for twelve days. Am I insane?
So, after all of that whining & complaining, your probably like "geez, ashley. why are you going then?" I am going because I told the Lord YES! I gave Him my yes & I will not back out on that. And I am going because it's obvious that this is what He wants of me. I tried backing out like a dozen times already & each time I shake my fist towards the sky and say "God, if the money doesn't come, I'm not gonna go!" and then I check my mail & a check for that amount is in there, or a total stranger donates the exact amount needed, or a friend says Jesus has asked her to give me the funds to travel. Catch my drift? I give ultimatums to the Lord (probably not the best idea) and He answers sweetly & lovingly (probably shaking his head) and says "Go, my child." I know that this is where God wants me to go & so go I will. I expect to meet Him there in Africa. I know I will see him in the faces of the orphans, the poor & the oppressed. I know He loves my boy and my husband far more than I ever could & He will take care of them while I am gone. He burdened my heart for what breaks His & instead of being all talk He has called me to action & who am I to say no the the one true God???
I had a talk with handsome hubby the other day about my theme for the year. Yep. This year gets a theme. We agreed the theme needed to be: RadicaL.We've had so many things on our minds lately. You know, the normal things. What is our next goal? Full time work? Savings? Buy a house? Rent a bigger apartment? Pay off the last of the debt? Where do we need to worship? How should we be praying? How do we get involved & serve? See, told you. The normal stuff.
What hit me big time was easy to pin point. It's been stirring inside of me for a few weeks....and I've been all talk. I need to serve in a radical way. My heart is (obviously) passionate for adoption & for supporting the cause of the orphan & the cause of pro-life. I've approached a few friends regarding where my heart is...but that's it. I'm all talk.
The same with the other stirring inside. Church. Matthew & I go to church on Saturday night but there is truly no fellowship involved. So I took it upon myself, on Sundays (when handsome hubby is working) to take John with me to a church plant extension of our home church, called Refuge Long Beach. I love it. I love the humility. The accountability. The fellowship.
But, basically it's time to talk the talk AND walk the walk. Be the real deal. Not the dead church. Not just for show. But serve: Radically. Worship: Radically. Pray, save, work, love: Radically.
Ah! It feels so good to be back...and wow, there is a lot to say!
I guess I'll start where I last left off...19 days ago, John was born in Jacksonville, Florida. It was an amazing, hectic, whilrwind of packing & traveling & praying! We finally made it across the country & adopted our sweet little man. You can read about that adventure HERE.
So, we had been in Florida for just over a week and had expected to be able to come home as a family but ICPC was taking longer than expected and John and I had to say goodbye to Daddy...and I cried while I watched my husband drive away to the airport, leaving me with an 8 day old in a strange city thousands of miles away from home. John and I did our best to stay busy on Thursday & Friday. We walked around the hotel property, met more of the staff and got to know them...even took a few walks up and down the streets while I watched geckos run all around & dreamed of the day John would be old enough to chase them but still slow enough to not actually catch one!
Friday afternoon rolled around, August 17th, and just as F.E.M.A was setting up in Jacksonville & Hurricane Issacc changed course to hit Florida, the adoption agency called & gave John & I clearance to fly home!!! Praise God! We were told to expect to be in Florida until the following Wednesday & that only by a miracle would it be any sooner...I love me a good miracle, don't you!? So John and I packed up our bags, booked our flight & two hours later were boarding a plane to head home. Even after a four hour delay in Dallas, God had once again answered my prayers, as John slept peacefully during both flights, never fussed & never even made a peep! The only incident is when he farted....and it was a good one too....you know, the kind where people probably thought it was me because a bum that little could not hold something that nasty...Who knew a guy so tiny could pack so much heat!
Anywho, we landed at 2AM on Saturday morning in Los Angeles, California & as soon as the plane's wheels touched the ground, tears started streaming down my face. I looked down at John & whispered "Welcome Home."
Now we've been home for over a week, and I have missed being able to sit here and tell you everything! But, I've been enjoying every second of being a mommy. Every sound he makes, every move, every cry. It's all precious & surreal. I still sometimes doubt that this is actually happening! John has had visitors every day we've been home...this guy is popular!...and he is changing constantly. His life is a miracle & is a beautiful cherished thing. Thank you "T" for choosing life for John. He is more loved than you'll ever know.
So, I guess that's it for now. I have so much more to say. I could go on all day about the complications of adoption. It's messy and bittersweet. I could tell you all about Mo, our sweet doggy, who has now become our sweet guard dog. I could write about how John has blessed so many people already & the great testimony of his life in such a short time. I could tell you all about how motherhood has changed me & the awful things it's doing to my hair! But for now, how about just a million pictures of this little man I call my son? I'll be back again soon, friends. Life is starting to slow down a bit and I cherish the time I have on my blog to jot down all my memories Thanks again to everybody who has sent such loving words to us and to John. You have no idea how much my heart is overjoyed reading every comment & email.
John-John hanging out at Auntie 'Lysia's House
Having to listen to his Auntie Ally about the need for a good face wash
Taking a nap with Grandpa & Buddy.
#PumpedUpKicks
The face John gave me as we walked to the laundromat. He HATES chores already!
Adoptions Can Be Expensive. John now has a job as a receptionist.
How I have been surviving motherhood...Double-fisting the iced lattes. Yessss.
I'll be back soon!!! Every chance I get...and P.S. Kudos to you bloggers with lots of little munchkins. Mommy-hood is not for sissies & I applaud you!
As some of you may have read, Matthew & I are adopting! I mean, it's only the entire reason I am still blogging! Anywho, it's true. Matthew & I are in the midst of the adoption process & only 12 days away from being home study approved....but of course, it hasn't been easy. You can check out the "ease" of adoption here or here or our latest happenings here. I'll let you check those out first before I continue blabbing on...
Okay, you done? Good!
Besides a few tears here and there though, Matthew and I have made a concious effort to enjoy every step of this process. I have intentions to enjoy every up and every down and every loop-dee-loop in between. For the most part, I can honestly say that I have accomplished this.
But, like I mentioned, there were definitely tears. In a matter of minutes our entire adoption plan was tossed upside down by the credit union! It all happened so quickly. One minute we were on a clear & concise path and the next we are tossed off the road completely! So, what did we do? We prayed! A LOT! We shared with our friends and family & asked them to pray. I asked you to pray. There is power in prayer. We have now retained an attorney (the one we were praying we would be able to get!) and her fees are beyond acceptable...they are amazing! We save over $3,000 by using her versus other attorneys we have called! THANK YOU GOD! Retaining her prior to a match ensures we will recieve our loan after all!
Next, our friends really stepped it up. I mean, REALLY. Guess who decided we would be having a garage sale to raise money for adoption! Krichelle, the coolest girl, ever! That's who! I won't even be there on Friday since I have to work and she is going to put on the garage sale anyway! She rocks. All the money raised will go straight to the fee to retain our lawyer and that is amazing! One less thing to worry about (not that worrying does any good anyway, right?).
So, the entire point of this is to brag about my amazing Lord. Even though the past few days were just a minor trial, a little valley, and now we are back up on a peak, I will praise Him in the storm. And He continues to blow my mind! I am glad, that at least for now, the adoption is going smoothly!
Still waiting for a match though! So, please pray that we get that call very soon!
I have no idea how it happened and I have no idea when it happened, but I can tell you one thing for sure: I am fully aware that I am in fact an adult. I am finally the 'grown-up' I was always curious to meet.
I mean, I know that I have been doing adult like things for years now. I've lived on my own, been to college, moved just because I could, held down good jobs and changed jobs, been on hold with health insurance and the bank (two very grown up things to do), I've been married for over a year, take care of our dog, Mo, am working on our first adoption with the hubby, and most impressively I can do my own laundry!
But today after work I came home and did my daily routine of tidying up our little home...
did a load of laundry, read The Good Book and part of a good book, and made dinner. It was while making dinner when I finally realized I grew up! Here is exactly how it happened: I pulled out some chicken and
stir fry style veggies and started working on some epic rice bowls and all without a recipe (another very adult thing to do!) I thought about work and our baby, about delighting in the Lord and what that meant, about my hubby and a nursery project I am working on
and I thought about how content I was to be alone with just my own thoughts as company...All of a sudden time stopped as I realized I am the woman I always wondered about when I was younger. I no longer have to be curious about what my life would be like when I grow up because, friends, this is it, and life is good.
So that's it. That's my story of when I realized I grew up. I know my 15 year old self would be happy to see the woman God is turning me into...and this 20-something woman is even happier knowing that the Lord is still doing a work in me.
This Saturday night at church our (amazing) pastor was teaching Luke 8 about the parable of the sower and the seed:
Luk 8:5
"A sower went out to sow his seed. And as he
sowed, some fell by the wayside; and it was trampled down, and the birds of the
air devoured it.
Luk 8:6
Some fell on rock; and as soon as it sprang
up, it withered away because it lacked moisture.
Luk 8:7
And some fell among thorns, and the thorns
sprang up with it and choked it.
Luk 8:8
But others fell on good ground, sprang up,
and yielded a crop a hundredfold." When He had said these things He cried, "He
who has ears to hear, let him hear!"
So, this got me reflecting on where am I in this? Am I yielding a crop a hundredfold or am I being choked by the cares of the world? I spent a lot of time with God on this one and I am happy with what He has shown me. I live for Him & mainly just need to remember that the message is simple: Jesus Christ crucified.
And, with all this "seed and sow" talk...I must admit, I took this to a whole other level when I did a lot of reflecting while working in my little garden. It was a tangible way to see what happens when we do not fall on good ground...What can I say? I"m a visual learner! Here is a little corner of the patio all fixed up and growing!
Nine days ago, our adoption profile became available for viewing. This means that if a girl came in looking for a home for her child, she could pick ours. It's been nine days. Nine whole days. Nine long days. Nine days that seem like a lifetime. I dont' wait well & I don't want to. I want it now. I want the ministry to call me today and say "You have been picked and your baby is due!"
But, okay, before you tell me to step back from the cup of joe & take a chill pill, I do realize that I am being incredibly impatient and maybe even a bit difficult! I promise that I realize this & I promise every day I remind myself that God's plans are greater than mine and if we are supposed to wait nine :::gringe:: years, then so be it. But boooy, oh boy. Waiting is hard. Matthew is being so loving and gently reminding me that nine days is a blink of an eye, especially in adoption timing and that we should just be praying and preparing and not worry because our Lord is in control.
So, here I am...letting go of the reigns (yet again), and knowing that one day, someday, sooner or later, we will be bringing our first precious baby home. Until than, I will practice my patience and if need be (like today) vent. Today is my 9-day vent. :)
Of every post I have put up on the blog, even the ones admitting mistakes or heartache, this post is most definitely the hardest because it's not really my story to tell. This is the story of a thirteen year old girl who became pregnant, chose life & made an adoption plan for her son.
First, let me begin about how this testimony fell into my hands. When Matt and I attended the adoption seminar back in February, we heard from a number of different men and women and their roles in the adoption process. But, by far, the one that had the biggest impact on my heart, was that of a young woman, Becky, who shares what it's like to be on the other side of the adoption process: The side of the girl who places her baby for adoption. The term for this girl is birth mother.
As Becky began to share her story Matthew & I sat there in awe and I, of course, sit there thinking to myself "I need to talk to her! I need her to blog about this!" (I know, I"m such a weirdo). So, the day goes on, other speakers share, & we are eventually dismissed. Matt excuses himself to use the restroom, and I linger in the fellowship hall awkwardly stalking Becky, waiting for my chance to speak with her. After she spoke with a few other people, I made a beeline to her and introduced myself ...One thing leads to another, and two hours later we finally stop talking and say goodbye! Anyway, a few weeks ago, I found her testimony sitting in my inbox with a note from Becky saying to use it as the Lord leads...So that is what is about to happen.
This is Becky's Story (Warning: You may want to grab a few tissues)
In
January of 1998 in the middle of my 7th grade year, I met a cute
high school boy. He secretly became my
boyfriend. I would lie to my parents
about my whereabouts and go sneak off to be with him. Only after two and half weeks of him being my
boyfriend, I blew it, and we had sex.
Eight
weeks later I found myself at the doctor’s office. While my mom was forced to sit out in the
lobby, I was told by the doctor that I was 8 weeks pregnant. The doctor told me not to worry, I
didn’t have to tell my mom and that she could terminate the pregnancy.“After all it was only an embryo,” she told
me. I knew better even at my young age
that “terminating” meant to murder my baby.
I did the only thing I could and told my mom and dad the news. As heartbroken and as devastating as it was
for my precious parents to be faced with the fact that their 13 year old baby
was pregnant, they forgave me and went above and beyond that. They
became my support system, my comfort, and my encouragement.
20 Weeks Pregnant
For the first five months of pregnancy I was
determined to raise the baby, but thankfully my dad forced the church and its
counsel on me. He wanted me to be fully
aware of both my options. Not that my
parents didn’t want the baby or wouldn’t help to raise the baby, but I think my
parents knew God’s will before I did. My
dad found out about this place called House of Ruth which was located at
Calvary Chapel of Downey. Even though I
didn’t agree with my dad forcing this place on me in the beginning, I am so
thankful he did. I met with K and had a few counseling appointments with her before my change of heart. The Lord really used her and her testimony to
encourage me. House of Ruth helped me to
realize that I had two options. K
and House of Ruth were very informative about the effects these choices would
have in my life. They didn’t force
adoption on me as that was the only way to go, but they were very detailed on
open adoption and how that works. The
only thing House of Ruth reinforced was that whatever choice I made should be
what the Lord wants. Option one was to
raise the baby while my mom and dad were still trying to raise me and option
two was to place the baby up for adoption in a loving Christian home.
Jesus
made it clear through many things (books, House of Ruth, and family
members) that I was to place my baby up for adoption. I started the process right away, chose to go with an open adoption and went to
go pick out the parents of my baby.
Again, God spoke on who I was to pick and I listened. There were so many files to look
through and thanks to God, it took less than one hour for me to fall in love
with one couple in particular. That week my parents and I drove to their beautiful neighborhood and home in
Newport Beach, CA. We all met for the
first time, it was so bitter sweet. I
just knew they were God’s chosen parents for my baby as did they. The adoptive mom was there for me throughout
the remainder of my pregnancy. She
listened to my heartache, took me out to lunch and prayed with me over the next
three and half months. She totally
allowed the Lord to use her and help with the peace I had been given by God
about my decision.
On
November 3, 1998, my precious little son, Nathaniel, was born. My mom, my dad, and my son’s adoptive mom
were present during his birth. I had 48
hours in that hospital with my baby and to prepare for the hand over.
Nathaniel
On
November 5, 1998, the adoptive parents arrived at the hospital to take home
their new son. They were so caring and
compassionate. The adoptive mom even
cried with me. It was as though she felt
like she was stealing my baby. She
showed me so much love that day. When it
was time to hand over my little baby boy to his new mommy, I was so
heartbroken, scared, and my tears just wouldn’t stop. My arms were so weak, but in that, Jesus took
over and gave me all the strength I needed.
I placed him in her arms and even in that deep state of heart wrenching
pain, there was such a peace that filled that hospital room.
Nathaniel. Age 13.
My
son is now 13 years old. His parents
have sent me pictures, notes, and thoughtful cards over the years. They have let me see him on occasion and have
always made me feel very welcomed to call them and catch up. To this day, they still tell me just how
grateful they are that I obeyed the Lord and gave them their son. One of the many ways they still continue to
bless me is on days like Mother’s Day, his birthday, or the hand over day, they
always acknowledge the day by sending me a sweet note or card and beautiful
pictures of our son.
Not one day has passed since he was born that I don't think
of him and pray for him. There are some
hard days, but most are joyful. I have
never regretted the decision I made in choosing adoption. From the time I was just a little girl, God
was preparing me for this. This was His
perfect will for the situation I had to face and He has given me true peace
just as He promised.
John 14:27 “Peace I
leave with you, my peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to
you. Let not your heart be troubled,
neither let it be afraid.”
Now I’m 27 and the Lord has done (and still is doing)
amazing things in my life. I’ve finally
fallen in love with my Maker, Jesus Christ.
After my son was born, I went on to rebel like I thought was normal
coming from a teen girl. But at 17 I
finally realized that I NEEDED Jesus. I
started attending Church at Calvary Downey along with the young adults group,
where I met my husband. I have been
married for almost 10 years.
The Lord has blessed me with 4 children of my own now, two
daughters, ages 9 and 8 and two sons, ages 7 and 5. I am a very blessed woman and I thank God for
His grace and the gifts He has given me.
Becky with her husband and 4 children
Becky and her 4 sweet babies.
1 Samuel 1:27-28 “For this child I prayed and the Lord has
granted me my petition which I asked of Him.
Therefore I also have lent him to the Lord; as long as he lives he shall
be lent to the Lord. So they worshipped
the Lord there.”
{{Becky, I love you for sharing your story. I respect you for choosing life & I admire you for the Godly woman you are. I am so glad we met, and I am so blessed that you are my friend. -Ashley}}
Let me just start with saying that I serve a good God.
Matthew and I attended the Adoption Seminar yesterday & I walked in nervous and anxious for what was ahead. I feared that this seminar would be a collapse of all the hope we had for adopting, or perhaps lead to Matt & I not agreeing on how to go about this. But, as the day went on, I could just feel the Holy Spirit working in our hearts and binding all of our hopes and dreams together. I feel closer to my husband more than I ever have before. My favorite part of the day is when Matthew leaned over and whispered that he had changed his mind. In a hushed voice he went on to tell me that God will direct the right child to us, and we should be open to any age, race, gender, and even open to adopting multiples! My heart leaped for joy seeing God work in my husband and reassuring him that He is in control!
So, after an entire day's worth of testimony, legalities, monetary information and technicalities, we could not have left more ready to be parents! We even made an awesome new friend, Becky, who made an adoption plan for her baby when she became pregant as a young teen. Her testimony is beautiful & she will be sharing it here on this blog. I hope everybody comes back to read it and learn about what it is like being the birthmother in an adoption plan. I know you will be so blessed to read it!
So, now, we begin the paperwork! Here is a little bit of what the process is going to look like for us:
Seminar
Application
Letters of reference
Letter to birthmother
2 page photo collage
Cut our first official check for the adoption ministry to process all this!
Interview with the adoption Ministry
Apply and pay for a pre-placement assessment
LiveScan finger printing/background checks
We interview alone with a social worker (11/2 hours a piece)
We interview together with a social worker (2 hours)
Social worker comes to our home for a final interview
Medical exams to ensure we are going to be around for awhile!
At the same time we are doing our pre-placement assessment:
Our profile will be available for birth mothers to see and decide if they'd like us to adopt & parent their sweet baby
We wait for a call from an adoption ministry counselor saying we have been matched and we will be bringing a baby home to be a part of our forever family!
So, please, as you can see, there is a lot ahead of us! Matthew and I are really looking forward to all of this, but it will no doubt going to be a roller coaster ride as we venture out into the unknown. The awesome thing about this is that we won't be venturing out just the two of us, our God is with us and He will minister to us and equip us to minister to a beautiful girl, the birthmother, who will be trusting us to care for her baby. Thank you everybody for your support, your prayers and your touching calls, comments, text, emails. It fills me with joy knowing that God is using this. I remember years ago the devastation I felt knowing I'd never carry a child & now I think I'm not sure I'd want to make a family any other way. Adoption is permanently etched on my heart. God can do anything and everything and what seemed to me an impossible burden to carry He has turned into an amazing blessing!
So, today is an "off" day for me & I was going to pretend a day like this didn't exist but that would be doing an injustice to the adoption process & to my heart.
After that day that I did the ultrasound with an infertility specialist & cried my eyes out, once I wiped my tears I promised to rejoice in all that I have been given and have the ability to do, rather than focus on the things I cannot do, like carry a child. Everyday since then I have found this new sense of joy & love, I even love the feeling of that little empty space in my heart that can be filled only by adopting a child. I have been striving to be the epitome of hope and joy and contenment and thanks be to God, He has given me the strength to be exactly that: Hopeful, joyful, & content. But today...today is different. I saw on a friend's facebook how shared with her family in surprising them with the news that she & her husband are pregnant & I wondered what that would that be like? What is it like to buy a pregnancy test? What's it like feeling the baby kick? What is it like to rub your belly & know a precious miracle is growing inside? Usually, the fact that I will never know those feelings does nothing to my emotions but today those questions wreaked havoc on my heart.
Though, I am sure that today will not be the last day I feel a little pain & grieve over the fact that I don't have the ability to carry a child, with God I can rejoice in the fact that a child is not far from my arms...It will just get there in a different way. I love looking at adoption & I hope all couples going through this will do the same, but that we don't have to adopt we get to adopt. Adoption is a privelege! I still feel a little sad today & I ask anybody reading to say a prayer, not just for me but for all couples going through what Matthew & I are. It is an adventure that is filled with it's ups & downs and it takes complete & total dependence on the Lord to get through the "ups" and "downs."
So, today I will allow myself to feel a little sad but mostly I will feel happy. :)
In other news, and it's awesome that there is adoption news since we have yet to even attend an adoption seminar...we have been blessed with adoption connections! But praise the Lord, we haven't even started the process and in a weird way....the process has started with us! There is nothing like God's timing & as we go through this process I pray that we go through it with a lot of hope, joy & optimism with a dash of realism to ease the pain of dissappointment or heartache. So though today is a little tougher than normal, the cure is easy. Focus on the positive, enjoy the here & now (and now is Matthew & I!) and put a smile on my face. There is a lot to rejoice in!!
Matthew & I have decided to begin pursuing adoption! As excited as we are & as early as we are in the process of adoption we decided it's time to share for a few reasons. The first reason that I personally really wanted to share is because the story that led us to this decision, in my opinon, is amazing. It is proof that we serve an awesome God. And secondly, we decided to share this decision in such early stages because we know what a journey this will be and we can use all the prayers & support possible! Not to mention, we are just plain ol' excited!
As a lot of people know, or maybe some don't know...I found out at as a teenager that I would not be able to have a child. Or, if I could have a child I wouldn't be able to carry it myself, it would require a surrogate. I never really got over the pain & heartache of that news. Then, I met Matthew & he knew early on in our relationship of that diagnosis. He decided he wanted me to be the mother of his children no matter how the family came to be & asked me to marry him (Whatta great guy he is!). We've really been enjoying our first year of marriage & as we began to discuss the idea of having a family we decided to pursue the idea of pregnancy. A few appointments with an infertility specialist & an ultrasound later, the news didn't seem good. In fact, it was disheartening. I wasn't sad that the prospect of having children the natural way didn't seem like a possibility for me...it was something more that I couldn't find words to describe. So I grieved & prayed that God would give me peace that would surpass all understanding...and He did! When that peace came & overwhelmed my heart, I knew & was ready to share with Matthew that we were meant to adopt our children. When I told him that God gave me peace & a fire under my heart for a baby who needed a mommy and daddy the most wonderful and sincere smile lit up Matt's face & I knew it was right the decision and the reason I was disheartened from the doctors was because it wasn't the path we were meant to take.
A few days later I had been praying & waiting to hear from God & I felt God place a stronger desire in my heart to begin the process of adoption. I again went to Matthew & told him of what God was speaking to me thru so many different avenues & he asked me to show him the logistics of us affording this child-to-be. That day, I sat at the computer & crunched numbers until my eyes hurt...& I realized we may need some more money! Children are apparently quite expensive!!! I sit down a little frustrated, I pick up my Bible & turn to the book of Luke where I left off the day before. I begin to read Luke 12:24 -30
Luke 12:24 "Consider the ravens, for they neither sow nor reap, which have neither storehouse nor barn; and God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds?
Luk 12:25
"And which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? Luk 12:26
"If you then are not able to do [the] least, why are you anxious for the rest? Luk 12:27
"Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Luk 12:28
"If then God so clothes the grass, which today is in the field and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more [will He clothe] you, O [you] of little faith? Luk 12:29
"And do not seek what you should eat or what you should drink, nor have an anxious mind. Luk 12:30
"For all these things the nations of the world seek after, and your Father knows that you need these things.
...needless to say, I felt better, and stunned just as I am every time God chooses to show Himself so obviously to me! Then Matthew comes home from work, I share again all of this...and he says "The bonus I am getting? It's larger than I thought!" and then he says "The raise we didn't expect to happen?...It happened!" My jaw dropped and I could think of nothing to say but "God is good!"
So, yesterday, we mailed out our pre-application (a request for an invite) to the adoption ministry at Calvary Chapel Downey. If they accept our pre-application, we go to an all day seminar then begin the real application & hopefully then begin the process of the actual adoption! Eeeeep! We are praying that we will be pre-accepted & further more be accepted offically into the program. Then, we have a home study with a social worker to make sure we are suitable parents, fill out paper work, meet with attorneys, attend classes, and be matched with a birth mother who wishes to place her baby up for adoption. Then...we come home with our special little miracle. So, as you can see, this process is going to be a long one! But, the return on our investment will be eternal. Please pray that as we begin to plan our family all goes smoothly & that very soon we will be expanding our home by two (little) feet!
I haven't been blogging much lately...Is it just me or is life just CRAZY lately!? Surgery was scheduled for June 7th, but has been reschedule for tomorrow morning! Eep! I know that this is in God's plan & even though I'm nervous I'm also glad they sprung this rescheduling on me. It gives me no time to grow anxious! I'm ready to just get it over with and end the pain and annoying hassle my ear has caused me! Thank God that He had this pleasant surprise in store! Not to mention, I'm gonna get to wear this awesome (and by awesome, I mean: awful!) headband for a few days to protect my ear...and yes, of course, what is a good blog, without a promise to blog pictures of me and my new "hair accessory?" But anyway, not to worry, for through all of my recovery, my very handsome husband is gonna take great care of me and I bet that this means he'll even buy me ice-cream!!!
Matthew and I will be married 4 months this weekend and going through all of this makes me realize how everyday truly is a new adventure. I'm glad we aren't getting married in June as we originally planned...God rescheduled that too! I hope that in everything, Matthew & I will always seek the Lord first and His plans. It seems to me they have a way of working out waaaaaaay better than any of my plans ever have! So thank You Lord for letting me have my plans and schedules...and thank You for Your perfect reschedulings!
So, as many people know there have been so many 'ups & downs' of the wedding Matthew & I have been attempting to plan. We at first began to plan what was sure to have been a beautiful day in June! But we quickly changed plans realizing what a circus it had become. Since then we have had so many plans that seemed so promising fall through that it's exhausting counting them all! I wonder to myself sometimes if God is trying to teach me a lesson in contentment? Patience? Faith? All of the above!? Well whatever it is I am supposed to be learning through all of this I have come to a few conclusions.
1) As corny as this may sound, my love for my future husband overshadows any plans for a wedding. We of course could have a wedding...but that would mean waiting another 6-12 months for our budget to catch up with my big dreams of the perfect ceremony & reception! In reality, my biggest dream is to marry the man of my dreams & anything else that entails, such as a wedding would just be pleasant perk.
2) Weddings are WAY TOO EXPENSIVE for what they are worth. I am quite unsure how people plan weddings without using a credit card or serious stress on the pocket books! The entire industry is filled with people trying to sell me the idea of a 'perfect' wedding & that there is no price tag for it! We would rather save up for a honeymoon, or (one day)adopting, rather than shelling out extra cash for the perfect linens and best DJ!
3)I absolutely hate the term "bridezilla" and though I may have become ultra sensitive when it comes to wedding planning I never want to be one of those awful brides who are mean to those who mean the most! I don't really understand why girls stress out about so much for just one day. I'd rather worry about the rest of our lives rather then if we should put baby's breath or greens in the bouquet!
Phew! So, in conclusion, tomorrow is the big day for Matthew & I. No, not the day we get married but the day we finally decide on some plans. I don't want to have wishy-washy plans anymore. So Matthew has happily volunteered himself to spend the day with me to finally make something happen! This means that what is decided tomorrow will be what happens! I am already exhausted just thinking about tomorrow but so excited at the same time! At the end of the day, as long as I become Mrs. O'Brien I don't care how it happens. I just want to spend forever loving Matthew as my handsome husband!!!
Okay, okay. First off here is a lovely picture of my most handsome nerd-a-riffic future hubby and I from our church "High Seas Expedition" from October 31st!
Okay, but really...what I just haaaaad to write about is how truly amazing our God is! A week ago, Matthew & I received a phone call from the car dealership saying we might have to give back our new car because the bank ended up not wanting to finance us! I, of course, unlike my sweet fiance, spent the week worrying about this...but tonight the dealership's financing department gave Matthew a call and not only did we end up finding a bank willing to take our offer but they asked for less money!!!! WOW!!! Not to mention, how good is God for giving us AWESOME pre-marital counselors? Pat & Ron are truly an amazing couple & Matt & I have really learned to trust and admire them. So, Monday night, we took advantage of their huge hearts & unloaded months worth of wedding worry! It felt so nice to be heard & to hear such loving, Godly advice. So we took the advice and are really on the fast track to a great marriage! I think I understand this whole "perfect peace" talk...and I like it. =] So, next week Matthew & I will be taking a day to plan a very small wedding. Unfortunately, the place I posted a picture up of from last post didn't work out, so it's back to square one! But God has really, once again, shown his faithfulness to me (& to us) despite my lack of trust and hope at times. I love being proven wrong and being reminded all the time that God is good.
