So, today is an "off" day for me & I was going to pretend a day like this didn't exist but that would be doing an injustice to the adoption process & to my heart.
After that day that I did the ultrasound with an infertility specialist & cried my eyes out, once I wiped my tears I promised to rejoice in all that I have been given and have the ability to do, rather than focus on the things I cannot do, like carry a child. Everyday since then I have found this new sense of joy & love, I even love the feeling of that little empty space in my heart that can be filled only by adopting a child. I have been striving to be the epitome of hope and joy and contenment and thanks be to God, He has given me the strength to be exactly that: Hopeful, joyful, & content. But today...today is different. I saw on a friend's facebook how shared with her family in surprising them with the news that she & her husband are pregnant & I wondered what that would that be like? What is it like to buy a pregnancy test? What's it like feeling the baby kick? What is it like to rub your belly & know a precious miracle is growing inside? Usually, the fact that I will never know those feelings does nothing to my emotions but today those questions wreaked havoc on my heart.
Though, I am sure that today will not be the last day I feel a little pain & grieve over the fact that I don't have the ability to carry a child, with God I can rejoice in the fact that a child is not far from my arms...It will just get there in a different way. I love looking at adoption & I hope all couples going through this will do the same, but that we don't have to adopt we get to adopt. Adoption is a privelege! I still feel a little sad today & I ask anybody reading to say a prayer, not just for me but for all couples going through what Matthew & I are. It is an adventure that is filled with it's ups & downs and it takes complete & total dependence on the Lord to get through the "ups" and "downs."
So, today I will allow myself to feel a little sad but mostly I will feel happy. :)
In other news, and it's awesome that there is adoption news since we have yet to even attend an adoption seminar...we have been blessed with adoption connections! But praise the Lord, we haven't even started the process and in a weird way....the process has started with us! There is nothing like God's timing & as we go through this process I pray that we go through it with a lot of hope, joy & optimism with a dash of realism to ease the pain of dissappointment or heartache. So though today is a little tougher than normal, the cure is easy. Focus on the positive, enjoy the here & now (and now is Matthew & I!) and put a smile on my face. There is a lot to rejoice in!!
After that day that I did the ultrasound with an infertility specialist & cried my eyes out, once I wiped my tears I promised to rejoice in all that I have been given and have the ability to do, rather than focus on the things I cannot do, like carry a child. Everyday since then I have found this new sense of joy & love, I even love the feeling of that little empty space in my heart that can be filled only by adopting a child. I have been striving to be the epitome of hope and joy and contenment and thanks be to God, He has given me the strength to be exactly that: Hopeful, joyful, & content. But today...today is different. I saw on a friend's facebook how shared with her family in surprising them with the news that she & her husband are pregnant & I wondered what that would that be like? What is it like to buy a pregnancy test? What's it like feeling the baby kick? What is it like to rub your belly & know a precious miracle is growing inside? Usually, the fact that I will never know those feelings does nothing to my emotions but today those questions wreaked havoc on my heart.
Though, I am sure that today will not be the last day I feel a little pain & grieve over the fact that I don't have the ability to carry a child, with God I can rejoice in the fact that a child is not far from my arms...It will just get there in a different way. I love looking at adoption & I hope all couples going through this will do the same, but that we don't have to adopt we get to adopt. Adoption is a privelege! I still feel a little sad today & I ask anybody reading to say a prayer, not just for me but for all couples going through what Matthew & I are. It is an adventure that is filled with it's ups & downs and it takes complete & total dependence on the Lord to get through the "ups" and "downs."
So, today I will allow myself to feel a little sad but mostly I will feel happy. :)
In other news, and it's awesome that there is adoption news since we have yet to even attend an adoption seminar...we have been blessed with adoption connections! But praise the Lord, we haven't even started the process and in a weird way....the process has started with us! There is nothing like God's timing & as we go through this process I pray that we go through it with a lot of hope, joy & optimism with a dash of realism to ease the pain of dissappointment or heartache. So though today is a little tougher than normal, the cure is easy. Focus on the positive, enjoy the here & now (and now is Matthew & I!) and put a smile on my face. There is a lot to rejoice in!!
Ashley, I just wanted to encourage you by telling you that I am praying for you! I know how infertility can be discouraging and many times heart wrenching as you see your closest friends announce their pregnancies. I have thought some of the exact things that you have! What would it be like? How would I tell my family? Etc, etc, etc! God absolutely knows how your heart aches. He desires to give you the peace you need and he will hold your heart when it aches so bad you can hardly stand it. Even though we aren't able to experience the same joy as our pregnant friends we have to remember that they won't get to experience the same joy as we will have going on this adoption journey. God's grace is sufficient and he makes all things beautiful in His time. Right now he has chosen us to be mommas to those little babes from an ocean away. He will bless your faithfulness and your obedience to his call on your life! Be blessed and be prepared for the many hugs that you will get from God as you get further in this adoption journey! It will absolutely amaze you everyday! I am praying for you!
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Debbie
Thank you soooo much, Debbie! Your beautiful words made my day!
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