Another Goodbye

Today at 8:30 AM our beautiful little Rae of Sunshine will be leaving to be reunified with her mama. We love the way that Rae & her mama are together and the joy they share in each other's company so we feel a little comfort knowing Rae will probably be happy in her new home. 

But.  I'm sort of over saying goodbye & I'm pretty sure my heart just can't take it anymore. My heart hurts and if we keep saying goodbye to more children I won't even have a heart left. When Duckie left he took a piece of my heart with him. When The Bean left he took a piece of my heart with him and when Rae leaves in just a few hours she'll be taking a piece of my heart with her, too. How many more times can we get attached only to let them go?  People are right when they say "I can never do that. I'd get too attached"  because it's true. You do get too attached. You watch this child blossom and bloom right in front of your eyes. You watch them learn to trust and love. You watch them find joy and happiness. You watch them sleeping in awe of every breathe they take. You wake up at midnight and 2am and 4am and rock them when they're sick. You get covered in their spit up and drool.  You change their diapers and bathe them and feed them. You celebrate holidays with them and put their pictures on your wall. Essentially you give them you're all because that's what a child deserves. And then they leave. And you end up broken and hurting. But, what if we had not stood up and said we would take this child?  She could have easily been institutionalized.  She could have easily gone to a home that may have held her at arms length unwilling to attach and love. She may not have found joy, love & happiness. She may not have been prayed over and for. She may not have ended up as the beautiful tiny human that she is. So, despite the hurt we feel we continue on. We love more children that will probably go. And we will experience so much joy in sharing their life that we will attach to them  and hand over a piece of our hearts when they go too.  

And maybe when we get to Heaven, The Lord will say to us "Well done, good & faithful servant." and then and there our hearts will be restored and we'll know we did exactly as The Lord had commanded us. And it will be good.