Quick Notes

At some point last week, I don't remember what prompted it, but it felt compelled to write. And yesterday, after a visit with the Bean's case worker I stumbled upon the note again and the words still rang true. Anyway, I thought I'd share my rambling note.  The thoughts are incomplete and nothing about this note screams well thought out or planned. This is a sincere piece that I poured my heart out into & I thought I'd give you a little glimpse into our foster care journey:

The truth is: I live most days with grief already in my heart. The Bean has grown on me. So much so, that he is as much a part of me as John John is. And Little Miss?  Well, the minute I laid eyes on her my heart was taken. With Duckie, I never felt that connection. I wanted to. But it wasn't there. 

With The Bean, I am okay with the unknown. He has been a toss up since day one. We have no idea I he'll stay or if he'll go. Either way, we will rejoice in the outcome. His mama loves him so much. And so do we. Wherever he goes, he's gonna be okay. But the thought of losing him. The thought of saying goodbye. My heart physically aches & even as I write this, tears fall. 

And with Little Miss, when they presented her case to us they led us to believe that she will need a forever home. And for now, that fact still seems to be true. But, it's foster care & things can change in an instant. And in an instant, she could leave. If they take her away, my heart will never be the same. If they take her away, I'm not sure I can rejoice. 

And yet, here we are. Loving two babies who do not belong to us. Here we are, rocking, feeding, cuddling and loving two babies who may not stay. 

We knew going into fostering that we must hold all the children in this home with open hands. We would embrace the present, pray for the future and allow God's will to be done without us fighting Him every step of the way. But, I can't lie. I want to fight. I want to close my hands over these children. I want my fists to be so tightly clenched that my knuckles turn white. I want my way. And my way means they stay. 

I guess that's the way foster care is though. Some babies come home for a short amount of time and then they're gone. Some you connect with and love and some you don't have that connection but you love anyway. Because love is what they really need. Some babies stay forever. And in our babies cases, some babies you have no idea which way the tide will turn. 

So we pray.  We pray honestly what we want. The Lord already knows where our heart is, so there seems no harm in sharing it aloud to Him. But, at the end of the day, we must say "but, Your will be done...and help us to sincerely want only what You have"

Ward of the Court

About a week ago I received an email from The Bean's case worker.  His mama had gone to court and received her official case plan.  She said The Bean would be staying with us for awhile since the judge ruled he stay in care while the case plan was worked. She said that The a Bean is officially a ward of the court. Ward of the court.  Those words, that title, that status....it hit my heart like a ton of bricks and I felt the air knock out of me.  Yes, I realize things like that must exists. We must know where a child stands, so they must receive crappy statuses.  But my boy is so much more than a ward of the court. And it's been bugging me since the day we received that email that "ward of the court" is a descriptor used to describe this precious little boy.
 So I've decided to tell you exactly what he is. And to tell him as well.  He may never read this because he may not stay here forever. But, it needs to all be said:

Baby Bean,

Your mama received her case plan the other day.  She's already working hard to show she can care & provide for you.  Although I can't say for sure that you'll return home to her, I can say that you are so loved and wanted by her.  You are her whole world. 

Upon receipt of her plan, you became a ward of the court....but that's such a minor detail of your life.  I mean, I guess it's not.  Your time in foster care may eventually help define & shape your whole personhood.  And that is understandable.  But, I hope you take hard situations like being a foster child, and see the positive in all things.  Like, the fact that your mama has time to get well.  That's a positive thing. And that you got a big brother out of all of this....that's another positive thing.  There is a lot to look at from different angles and I hope you see the blessings in them all. I hope you see His love for you, His provision & His protection over you throughout your entire time as "ward of the court."

But, I'm also here to tell you what else you are. You are ward of the court, but that's not the first thing I'd use to describe you. I think I'd start with stubborn.  Oh boy, little bean.  You are a baby with determination.  If you cry, you stick to it.  If you whine, you don't give in.  If you laugh...well, everything is hilarious to you.  Right now, your stubbornness makes you one challenging baby.  But, one day, stubborn can also be described as determination & drive.  That same stubborn streak in you that has you determined to crawl will be the same stubborn streak in you that had you determined to do well in life.  I'd also use the word serious to describe you.  You don't laugh often.  Although we know your giggle-triggers, you smile and you're generally a happy guy, you are more on the serious side.  I can just look at you and see those wheels in your head turning. You seem to always be thinking about something. You seem to always be pondering. Your eyebrows crease and your forehead gets wrinkled and I know you are methodically taking in the world around you.  You are a thinker.  I can tell already you are going to be smart. Much of what you do now shows that. You are very much aware of cause and effect and you learn and grow from your mistakes.  You are a pain in the butt between 6 & 7 pm every night. Yep, I said it.  Pain in the butt.  For that one hour, the one where your tired but not tired enough for bedtime and that you know you bottle is coming and sweet dreams await you, you turn into cranky-bean and it's the most difficult hour of my day. You are peaceful. Once you fall asleep, or once you find a pretty ray of light to stare at, or watch your big brother John, the brows unfurrow and your face conveys calm. You are all of a sudden content and your dreamy eyes show it. You are loud. You are handsome.  You are strong, and so very loved. 

Baby Bean, no matter what the world tries to define you as, we pray you always know that first and foremost, and above all else, you are a child of God.  You are made in His image. You are pursued by the Creator.  You are His, and He loves you unconditionally.

Hello & Goodbye to Duckie

I didn't even have time to tell you.  It happened so quickly.  A little over one week ago we received a call from the foster care placement team. 

"Hi, Mrs. O'Brien. We have a two year old boy here needing a home.  Are you interested?"

We got the details.  We had very little to go on.  They had very little to share. It was his first time being removed from his home.  I was just driving home from a visitation with the Bean & his mom so when I finally arrive back home I blurt out to poor Matthew that we need to bring another baby home.  We only had 30 minutes to decide.  And at minute 29, Matt said to call them and bring this boy home. 

Less than 24 hours later I was at the children's home waiting to meet our newest addition.  When I walked in to the toddler room a woman grabbed my hand and thanked me for taking this babe. She said he'd been crying & whining since the moment he got in.  He was just so sad.  He wouldn't accept comfort from anybody. He had older siblings and missed them like crazy. He was A MESS. But they picked him up & walked him over to me, I smiled & said hello and he all but threw himself in my arms. He stopped whining. He buried his head in my neck & there he stayed for the rest of my time in the toddler room as we completed paperwork and talking details. 

But, before I left, I knelt down to a seven year old boy.  I said hello and he looked over at me and then at his little brother in my arms. 

"Hey buddy, I'm Ashley. I'm gonna take your little brother home with me for awhile. I promise I will take good care of him and I promise you'll see him very soon.  Ok?"

He looked scared & he nodded.

"Ok, if you have any questions or wanna know how your brother is doing just ask the helpers. But, I promise. You are all gonna be okay."

He nodded.

I stood up with the baby in my arms and walked out the door leaving his brother behind.

Baby fell asleep almost as soon as I put him in the car seat. He clung to a photo of him and his brother and snored lightly. So I cried. I cried HARD.  No amount of training can prepare a heart for doing hard things like that. 

When we arrived home, baby Duckie slowly stopped clinging to me and slowly started to warm up to Matthew, John, the Bean & Mo.  Then he discovered the toy box!  He slowly inspected each item inside. Turned it over and over.  Smiled. Looked over at us and would exclaim "LOOK!  LOOK!"

To make an already long story short, poor Duckie really struggled. He constantly needed attention. And not just us looking at a toy, but us cradling, rocking, holding and loving.  Generally, that would be awesome considering John John will barely stop for a high five.  But, we physically were unable to nurture Duckie with two other babies in the house needing diapers, food, etc.  For two days he constantly needed food.  I think he was comfort eating. If we left a room he'd have a panic attack.  His eyes would open wide with fear and he'd FREAK OUT.  By day three he started to settle and trust us.  We could leave a room and rather than freak out, he'd follow. He became my little shadow. He stopped needing to emotional-eat and started to eat and snack on a regular schedule. 

But the other problems with Duckie continued to worsen. He was a sweet boy. But, he also really struggled. We spoke to the case worker at length regarding this sweet boy and agreed it could be months of his issues to be resolved. We spoke about that and wondered if we would be the right place for Duckie. We have two other tiny demanding people in our home. Can we meet his demands?  We wanted to, but could we?  Could he really thrive here?  Can we teach him healthy habits and pour out love on him?  We didn't think we could. We discussed displacement but the guilt was heavy. Displacement?  He's not a product we buy at Target and then return upon breaking. He is a tiny person. With feelings. And trauma. How dare we do this to him.  But, how dare we keep him and expect him to thrive.  We felt the only possible way we could let him go is if he returned home or if a family stepped up and accepted placement of Duckie AND his siblings. We were running on fumes, burnt out & exhausted. But we prayed for a miracle.

The next day Duckie's case worker came to visit him and gave us the news that he was returning home.  HOME.  Where he belongs. With all of his siblings. We were shocked.  In less than 24 hours they would be back to pick him up. We know none of the details of the reasoning behind his return. We only know that they believe he will be safe & loved. The next morning, I packed Duckie's bag.  It was hard to pack his bag. However exhausted we were by his arrival, we still loved him and always will. 

The next morning the caseworkers came back. Duckie held on to my leg and peeked out from behind it at them. He smiled and giggled but he held his grip on me. I finally sat down on the ground and put his backpack on...and then the tears began. He cried. He clung. He BAWLED his eyes out. He cried out "MOM!  MOM!" as he tried to climb as deep into my arms as possible. I told him he was gonna go home.  I told him his siblings would be waiting for him. I told him he was a good boy and I'd miss him. I told him all this with a shaky voice and blurry tear covered eyes. The caseworkers stood there watching with the same blurry eyes and then we simultaneously knew it was time.  They reached for him as I attempted to hand him over. He was pried out of my arms and as they tried to comfort him and love him they left. He cried all the way to their car. I could hear his cries for me and peeked out the window to see his hand stretching out towards our home as if I could reach him and he could be saved.

As soon as they shut the car doors and I heard the engine start I collapsed in a heap of tears. The ugly kind that have you catching your breath. I cried from sadness and love. I cried for joy that he was going HOME. I cried from exhaustion and relief. I cried because I just hadn't had a good cry in a long time.  I hope we never see Duckie again.  Not in the cruel way, but in the way that means I hope they never call us to accept placement for him again. His stay in foster care was short and I hope his family will always love and take care of him so he never has to return.

We spent the rest of the day silently wondering if he was okay.  Being busy with the other two boys kept me distracted, but in the moments of peace & quiet I sadly thought about our Duckie.  John John still plays the games that he and Duckie made up. It makes me smile. They picked up a few good habits from each other and became little buddies that made each other laugh and would even  snuggle together at night.

This was our first goodbye in foster care. It ended well.  It ended with reunification. We couldn't ask for a better ending.

Being Mom #2

 DISCLAIMER: Yes.  We are being cautious & taking one visit at a time.  We never expect two visits to be the same.  We are being careful & still trying to remain hopeful that the Lord is doing a good work in this relationship.

For those of you just joining me here on this blog, a little less than two weeks ago my family & I were placed with our first foster child.  Upon his arrival in our home he started to struggle.  He looked confused & scared.  He ate poorly, cried quickly & rarely accepted comfort without putting up a fight first.  But, he has slowly started to warm up to us.  After a few days he even began to smile!!!

A few days after his placement here Baby was scheduled for his first visitation with his mom.  We arrived & after a very rough and gut-wrenching start, she and I were able to talk & even bond over our mutual investment in her son.  We had our second visit with Mom a few days after that & I sit here unsure of how to even begin to process all of this...

I love Baby's mom so much.  Do I believe that Baby needed to be removed from her care?  Absolutely.  But do I believe that she loves her boy more than life itself?  YES.  DOUBLE YES.   

Of course, by law, I cannot share the reason for CPS to step in and out of respect for Baby & mom, I wouldn't share anyway.  But mom has opened up to me, dared to be vulnerable & shared intimate details of her situation.  And again, before anybody warn me to proceed with caution, tell me not to be naive, trust her or care for her (all warning we have already been given, unfortunately) we are being cautious.

We fully believe that Baby will be allowed to return to his mom.  So it is in his best interest for him to be allowed to see her.  He must continue bonding with her if he is to expected to have a smooth transition back home to her.

On the flip side, mom feels that the county already has their mind made up about her & no matter what she does, her son will never return to her care.  My heart aches for her.  During our visits she has thanked us again and again for loving her boy & she asked at one point if we were caring for him now in hopes that we would get to adopt him.  I told her the honest truth: We are caring for him because we want what's best for him.  I told her that she has our support, love & prayers & baby belongs with her.  But, if reunification was not an option, then we'd hope she'd support us adopting him.  And she does.  She and I both agree that no matter which way this case goes, we will always be united by the love we share for this little boy.

Mom says she is happy that her son is now a part of our happy family.  She coo's at him and asks Baby how his brother & doggy are doing.  She snuggles him closely and asks if I'm treating him well.  She'll smile and answer her own question and say that she can tell that he is treated well and so loved by how healthy, happy & handsome he is.

We sit next to each other & pass the baby back and forth between us.  I tell her how life is going in our home & she tells me about her family, her past, the case, the baby's first few months of life & her hopes & dreams for him.  She says if she were to never get her boy back, then this is stuff we'd want & need to know.  

At one point in our second visit, she referred to me as his mom.  I corrected her and said she is his mom.  We agreed on that but settled on the idea that I can be Mom #2.  It was a heavy, awkward & even a little humorous of a conversation.  But, either way, during that conversation, she gave me permission to be his mom.  Of course, I loved him as a son already, but it is a privilege to have her support to love him like that. 

This all may seem strange and believe me, it is!  We believe Baby's removal from his home was necessary.  We believe he should be here with us at least for now.  We also believe his mom and her love for him.  She is brave and strong & heartbroken.  She never planned for her child to have to go through this.

I have never simultaneously felt two opposing emotions at the same time.  I so completely desire the baby to return to his mom, and yet, so completely desire that he never ever have to leave here.  Only time will tell what is to happen to this baby boy & until then we hold him with open hands and open hearts wanting only what the Lord has in store for him.

Until all matters are settled, Baby will be the tiniest member of our family.  He will be violated with too many kisses on his chubby cheeks & forced to cuddle with me at will.  We will visit with his mom two times a week and we will support her in every effort to establish the life they both deserve.  

John John & The Bean

So, we expected to be a licensed foster care family by the end of October. We had made plans.  To make freezer meals.  To take lots of naps.  Buy a few more odds and ends a new arrival might need.  You know, the calm before the storm, type stuff.  We signed our homestudy less than a week after we finished our class. We were a licensed foster care family two hours later. And 12 hours after that we learned of an infant boy in need of a home.  Four hours later, I was picking him up.  So.  Whirlwind. Overwhelming.  Chaos.  Wait, what's happening right now???  

We know very little about our little bean. We know he's struggling to relax and trust us. That much is obvious. We know that every time John moves he must know what's going on. We know he puts up a fight when he's hungry. He can be starving for his next bottle but he will struggle to finally calm down enough to eat. We know he can fart like a champ. And when he does decide he wants to smile it is thee most precious sight EVER. 

Right now, we are in survival mode.  I want so badly to be good at this. I want to be a super-mom, have it all together, look good while doing it, perfect child-raiser.  But unfortunately, I am sitting here with spaghetti stains on my pants from John and spit up scent on my shirt from The Bean and I feel a bit overwhelmed, under slept, and over worked.  

But, this is worth it.  This is God's child.  God loves this Bean more than I ever could and He trusted Matthew and I to care for him.  WHAT A PRIVILEGE AND AN HONOR. I know that eventually we will find a pace that works for us, and we will find a "normal."  I may even be good at being a mama to two.  One day we may even wanna be parents to three!  Who knows!  But for now, we are in survival mode.  And for now, I'm okay with that. 

John's First REAL Haircut (Another Kidville Review!)

Last summer we shaved John's head.  
But then the curls started to grow like little adorable weeds & the 'fro was getting out of control

 

I, of course, loved it.  For the record, I loved him when he was bald, too!  Anywho....Daddy said it was time to tame the beast.  I basically weasled my way out of it for a few weeks with great excuses but eventually my handsome husband figured out what I was doing & insisted we go.  Last time we did a haircut we took him to Fantastic Sam's.  They literally took a razor to his head and shaved on the afro in one fell swoop.  I cried.  This time, we didn't want it all shaved off, and we wanted to go somewhere that knew what they were doing and knew how to work with kids who HATE having their hair messed with!  So, of course, we called Kidville.  I have written about them on my blog before.  You can find my first review of them HERE.

Since our last review of Kidville, John has become a new kid!  He started the class semester scared and unsure.  By   the end of his 8 weeks in Ms Jessica's class he was facing his fears of the semi-circle climb, the zipline & really developing independence and courage.  As a mama, this was amazing to watch happen before my eyes!  He also got to know the staff there pretty well.  He LOVES it when Ms Kaitlyn is at the front desk.  Basically because he can always depend on her asking for a high-five and no matter what else is going on a quick conversation where John babbles a lot and she laughs and nods her head! And you should see this boy with Ms Jessica around.  Ya'll.  My kid has a HUGE crush on her.  

Again, I digress....we made an appointment for a haircut at Kidville because we knew he wasn't going to enjoy this and if anybody can ease the pain it would be his stylist and buddy Ms Becca.  We got there a bit early & Ms Becca was on her lunch break.  But it was basically the cutest thing because she pulled up a seat for John & the two of them had lunch together.  Then he picked out which seat he'd sit in for his haircut (he chose the plane, of course) and picked out a DVD to watch (You guys, they have little TVS for the kids getting their haircuts!!!) and the haircutting began.  Then the crying began.  First whimpers and then full on tears.  I tried my best to entertain, soothe & distract my child.  He was not having it!  And we cannot thank Ms Becca enough for her patience and understanding.  She did a great job working with John.  But, the crying ensued & Ms Jessica came running and for the entire 30 minute haircut, she consoled, hugged, played, jumped, sang, ran, and loved on John.  Seriously, it was a DREAM.  And, voila, the haircut torture was over & John had the CUTEST little 'fro in the world!  I cannot believe that Ms Becca managed to do such an amazing job despite John's attempts to get her to stop!

 

 

 

 

 

Once we paid, Ms Kaitlyn  & Ms Jessica gave John high fives & "good job, John!" praise!  Which, he obviously ATE UP!  But then, Ms Kaitlyn grabs a balloon sits down on the ground with John and her, John & Ms Jessica sat there for ten minutes PLAYING.  Maybe I'm crazy, or maybe it would take a mother to understand this.  But to have somewhere to go, where my child is SAFE & loved is such a blessing.  Especially for us, family is so far away & we are still establishing roots out here in Las Vegas, to go somwhere that John is known, somewhere familiar for him, I cannot be happier that we found Kidville.

For John 's birthday, Grandma Sherri & Grandpa Brian gave him a Kidville giftcard!  I am freaking out!  We've decided that we won't be able to enroll John in a class this semester.  We are pretty bummed about that.  I was really excited to get John in an art class which seems to be a favorite activity for him!  But, we can still get John play space passes (YOU MUST check out their amazing indoor play space), we can do some shopping in the boutique for on trend clothes for John, I'm excited to get him a few educational toys & we may just save the rest of that gift card for his next haircut! 

Thank you Kidville for more great memories and for John's perfect little haircut!

Foster Care Facts

 
In just three days we really dive into the foster care process!  We started the process when we went to the orientation & we LOVED the trainer & their hearts for these children here in Clark County.  We filled out a bit of paperwork while at orientation & then waited for their call to say that we have been pre-approved to move forward.  Once we received our pre-approval we went back to the social services office & were fingerprinted for background checks.  Then we waited some more.  Once our background checks came back & we were cleared  we signed up for a 10-week training process.  That was about a month ago and our class will finally begin this Tuesday!  Over the next ten weeks we will fill out gobs and gobs of paperwork.  We will have doctors visits & more fingerprinting.  We will have a visit from a social worker at our home where she will check every single nook and cranny.  And I am sure we will have a lot of adjustments to make.  Everything from water temperature, where we keep our steak knives & cleaning supplies, how our doors lock to where we keep our Tylenol & cough medicine will be checked.  Are our plugs covered?  Our oven have a safety latch?  They will literally check EVERYTHING.

Once the ten week course is over, we will have (hopefully only) one more home study visit from the social worker to make sure any changes that needed to be made have been done.  Then we wait for all the paperwork to be finished & submitted.  Then we wait for a placement. 

There is nothing we can say for certain about who we are welcoming in to our home.  We are open to a child, boy or girl, between the ages of 0-5.  We are also open to a sibling group of two.  So, we may have two brothers.  Or two sisters.  Or one of each.  One may be a newborn and one may be a kindergartner.  There are endless possibilities of who they may place us with.  They may give us a lot of notice & pre-placement visits or we may accept a placement and have a child home with us within hours.

There is also no guarantee that any child or children in our home will become an O'Brien.  Although our ultimate goal is adoption, there are always circumstances when a child is allowed to return home.  Of course, we want these children to be home with their first families.  But, if that's not the case, we hope to become their family.  We know, especially for our immediate families, that they did not sign up to be foster families.  They don't want their hearts broken if they have to say goodbye.  Neither do we.  We never want to say goodbye to a child we've allowed to fill up our hearts and home.  But it's a risk we are willing to take.  These children need love and we have so much to give. 

The next thing I know you may be asking is why are you fundraising?  Well, honestly, because we are still working on paying off our first adoption fees!  And also, because yes, foster care is incredibly inexpensive in comparison to domestic or international adoption, it does not come without  its cost.  Since we are open to two children we will need TWO more cribs.  By law, we will also need two dressers.  We will be expected to have toiletries and clothes and shoes for each age & gender.  We will need to make sure each bed has it's own set of sheets & blankets.  We will need to have enough sippy cups & bottles & utensils & plates.  We need car seats for all ages and not to mention, we will have to invest in certain safety measures for our home.  Some safety supplies are relatively cheap.  Think, plug covers.  Others can get expensive.  For example, tot locks.  Either way, the costs will add up!  And again, we will need enough of all these things for two more children.  Even if we only get one child, we need to be prepared in every way for two!  

Other than that, there is not much I can say about the process.  I know we may not share a lot about it in the future due to the sensitivity of the topic.  But, we want to keep you in the loop.  With being so far away from our family & friends this seems like the best way to go!  Soooo...here is to a very interesting ten weeks & praying for more babies by Christmas!!!

Running Through Concrete

Hello there!  My beautiful friend, Kate, and I have been keeping a secret for awhile now...and we were teasing everybody with hints and finally revealed what we were up to a few days later on Instagram.  I thought I'd repost what Kate had to say about what we are up to.  If you'd like to see the original GO HERE.  Also.  Make sure to follow her blog because she is an amazing writer.

From Kate:
 My sweet friend Ashley and I have a secret! If you follow us on Instagram, we have been teasing you with hints this week but don’t worry – here comes the reveal! Well, after this brief message…

Do you ever have those days when every.single.person within your circle is speaking huge affirmations into your life without having a clue that they are doing it? I’m having that day! I’m loving this day!

This morning, a sweet friend shared her heart online regarding adoption and fundraising. Courtney is an adoption consultant and one of my favorite people. She always brings such a beautiful perspective to the conversations around fundraising and I know that if you follow her on Instagram (@thelottofus), you are daily blessed by this incredible woman.

Today, just hours before the BIG REVEAL she shared a quote by Eric Ludy…

“I will claw my way through concrete to get to my child.”

Welcome to the claw, dear friends. Are you ready for this reveal? We are! Ashley and I have prayed our guts out this week in anticipation of the way God will move in the days to come. Here goes nothing…
We are two mommas with hearts for adoption. But guys, we aren’t loaded with bacon. We have modest incomes and debt related to preemie bills and previous adoption expenses. From where we stand, they look like big concrete walls, but we are prepared to claw through them because we know who waits on the other side.

Though we are both adopting through foster care (which is much more affordable than private or international adoption) we aren’t without need. Ashley and her husband are starting to prepare and furnish her home for placements while making their way through training.

As many of you know, Mr. Sideburns and I are certified and have had one placement that is no longer with us. At current, we are a tribe of four.

But we have been keeping an extra secret…we are now open to siblings! Wide open, in fact. More on this later (yep, hints everywhere). So we need more beds, more clothing, more everything!

Here’s the thing – Ash and I are just like you. Normal, beautifully broken women with faith that’s bigger than our britches. And God is going to use that. You just watch. It’s about to get crazy. So Ashley and I are being brave and asking you to refuse small love. We want you to partner with our families on this crazy adventure. It’s time for the big daddy marathon Refuse Small Love Fundraiser!

Here are the details:

1. We have been working with the very best creatives to collect beautiful donations for an Insta Auction on Instagram. If you don’t follow us on Instagram, please do. Ashley: @mrsashleyobrien Kate: @katerallis
Please also follow our fundraiser account: @RSLFUNDRAISER

The response from vendors, shops and creative friends has been so touching and we are drooling over all of the pretties! Our Insta Auction will take place on July 7th, but we will be posting pictures of product on IG as we get them so that you have plenty of time to browse and budget.

2. Speaking of budgets, we know first-hand the conflict to desire to buy pretty things to support other adoptions but having a lack of free finances to do so. And we know we aren’t alone. So for the budget babes (and dudes), we will be having a pretty print sale. We will have both digital and hard copy prints available for purchase on our IG at low prices. Please stay tuned for the date of this sale.

3. Whooooo has two thumbs and loves a good t-shirt fundraiser?! We do! Through Bonfire Funds, we will have Refuse Small Love t-shirts available to purchase. We are working on creating those now and will have a purchase link set up very soon.

4. For the grand finale, we have been so blessed with the opportunity to partner with my twin, Kate, at The Adopt Shoppe. She has generously offered to help us in our fundraising efforts and we will have FORTY of her necklaces for sale! Everybody freak out!!! We will also be giving away two necklaces to a couple of lucky ladies (all the more reason to jump on the Instagram bandwagon!). Yippee!!

But wait, there’s more! A few months ago, you might recall that Kate was inspired by my commitment to refuse small love and she created a beautiful necklace to honor that phrase. Not so coincidently (but much to her surprise), the necklace looks exactly like my tattoo. Isn’t God awesome?! The best news is that the RSL necklace will be included in the auction!

You might be scratching your heads, wondering why two foster families need to do four big fundraisers. Well silly, did you really think we are out of surprises?

Here’s the deal – Ashley and I are not the only mommas who face concrete walls. We see you. We even stalk you. We are learning your stories and our hearts are for so much more than this. Our God is so much bigger than debt, loss, grief and empty wombs. He calls us to refuse small love and we cannot imagine doing anything else but that.

We are paying it forward. We want to bless one of you – your family – with finances. If you need a new car for all of the tiny humans you are fostering, we want to help! If you need bunk beds, we’re in! Got a leaky roof and can’t get certified to foster until it’s fixed? We’ve got your back. Are you a few pay checks shy of becoming a full-time stay home parent to your adopted kiddos? Oh guuuuurl, we know and we got this.

We are so excited to bless another family. We have a secret agent keeping her eye on each of you while we hustle on the fundraising end and when the dust settles, we will meet with her to choose a family. If we could help everybody, we would. And you better believe we are already scheming, brainstorming and planning ways to do more and reach more.

We are determined to claw through concrete for our children and for yours.

As a small gesture of gratitude for partnering with us and praying for us, we have made our Refuse Small Love print available for download for free. We hope that when you see it hanging in your home or in your cubicle, you will be reminded to run hard into the crazy, to love like Jesus does and to claw through concrete no matter the cost.

We can’t wait to see what God does over these next few weeks! Buckle up ladies…it’s going to be fun!

(Check out Kate's original post for the free download!)

Fundraising for Tiny O'Briens Arrival

Ya'll I wanted to talk a little about fundraising here.  So, first, let me just say that I am all for it!  It is so much fun to watch a family be blessed with funds necessary to afford adoption.  To give even $1 and know that you are forever a part of that baby's story on their journey home is a blessing!  It is amazing to watch a family raise funds for medical bills.  Or for a business start up.  But the problem is, it seems that everybody is asking for something these days.

Everybody has a kickstarter. Or a paypal button.  Everybody has a GoFundMe account.  Everybody is asking for donations, items for an auction, or a shout out for their cause.  Despite the amount of social media outlets bombarding you with requests it is also an amazing way to connect.  Give.  Receive and to love on others.    So, it's a humbling decision for Matthew & I to know that we need to rejoin the fundraisers & ask for help.  But that's what we decided & that's what we are going to do.  So let me share a bit about why and how this is gonna look.

When we started the adoption process for John, it was quick.  From the moment we signed up with the agency to the day we got the call that we were matched with a birth mom in labor, the total wait was just shy of four weeks.  It was an insane roller coaster and it happened so fast!  We were so incredibly blessed by friends & family who gave so much but in the grand scheme of things a dent was barely made in fees owed.  And, like a beautiful friend of mine said, just because you bring a baby home doesn't mean the fees disappear.  Matthew has worked SO hard to provide for our family and we don't want for much....although a cruise would be nice.  I'm thinking Hawaii?  Anyway....we still have so long to go before all adoption fees have been paid off & at times it can be a burden on our finances.  We knew we wanted to adopt again and we know that foster care is right for us this time.  The cost is relatively inexpensive, but some money does need to be put into safe guarding our home to meet Nevada homestudy requirements as well as a few minimal costs for fingerprinting, etc.  We also know that a social worker is going to look at our finances and judge us accordingly.  On top of that, when we do have the incredible privilege of welcoming the newest Tiny O'Brien, the last thing we want to do is crunch numbers and adjust finances.  We want to spend all of our time and energy into learning to be a family of four!!!!

Phew!

With all that said, we need your help.  We don't feel it's necessary to need to pay off all of our adoption debt but we have prayed about it and feel that paying off $8,000 would get us back on our feet, stress free, with a safe guarded home, the entire Florida agency payment paid, & the small costs needed to be foster care approved.  This time around we are going to do things a little differently.  Yes, you may give a straight donation, but we also want to GIVE YOU something in return.  An amazingly talented friend has made a beautiful print in a PDF form that you will be able to buy, we have t-shirts ready to go that are soft & comfy with great colors, and some delicious treats that will be sold by an amazing bakery.  I am so excited to start & like I mentioned above, watch the Lord work & provide.  He is so good & faithful.  We know that He has guided us to this adventure and we know that He will see us through with everything we need!  Stay tuned because the prints & tees sale will be launching VERY SOON!

Fostering Preparedness

So, remember that one time, not too long ago, when I announced that the O'Brien family would be entering into the foster care program here in Las Vegas?  If you've already forgotten then you can read up on that biz right here. 

Anywho, sharing the news has made it so very real.  I pray every day for our newest arrival, knowing that he or she may very well already be born.  Maybe even a preschooler by now.  Is he or she safe?  Happy?  Healthy?  I just have to trust that the Lord has and will protect this little one.  Oh, Lord.  Be with our little person!   But, like I said.  Sharing the news has made it real.  We haven't even gone to orientation yet, but we've been able to start on a few pieces of paperwork that the county tipped us off needed to be ready for a quicker process.  

Other than paperwork, there isn't too much we can do until our background checks & fingerprinting take place.  So, until then, I am left with my own thoughts & let me tell you...they're weird.  Handsome Matthew & I were talking the other day and I told him I feel SO unprepared for a preschooler!  What do they eat?  What size do they wear?  What should a typical day look like?  And, worst of all!  I don't even have a pair of safety scissors for him or her!  How will we do arts & crafts without safety scissors!  He laughed at me when I asked that.  I'm guessing by the look on my face he realized my concern was a real one.  And then he laughed at that!  With all the things I'm sure we'll have to do he was amazed that my biggest issue was the scissors!

We moved on to a different topic.  He went to bed.  John & I went to Target.  And yes.  You guessed it.  I bought some dang safety scissors.  And now, I am much more ready for the little person who will arrive one day.  Seriously...sometimes I surprise myself at the things I think we need.  Like, maybe I should be thinking about that dresser that we are required to have for the child?  No.  Priority #1: Safe scissors.

I also, with a giftcard, bought a tee for John.  Since we don't know if John's new sibling will be older or younger I had to track down a shirt that didn't specify his brotherly status.  He hasn't worn it yet, but it makes my heart happy.  It's a sweet reminder that God has called us into this & whether we have another child in our home for weeks or for forever, John will rock at this brother gig.  God will rock at pouring out his blessings over our family, like He always does.  And the newest member of the fam will rock...just because.

So, I guess that's it.  There isn't much more we can do until we are a bit deeper into the process.  But, until then, you better believe that I am cleaning out closets, purging the junk drawers & watching a lot of The Office to keep myself occupied! Only 10 more days until we OFFICIALLY start & I cannot wait!

It's Time for the Little O'Brien Family to Grow!

Let's cut straight to the chase here, shall we???  I have been ready to start the adoption process for Baby #2 for awhile now.  Matthew was a bit slower to be ready to do this all over again but we're officially on the same page and WE ARE READY!  But, I usually don't talk so openly about our finances on the great internets world but ya'll...Matthew and I checked his wallet & it is NOT READY to start adopting again!

We rent a nice apartment, we never go hungry.  I get to buy the makeup I like, Matthew splurges every now & then at work for a hot coffee & John often finds himself in the dollar section at Target picking out a new hunk of junk toy with every visit.  So yes, we can afford our necessities & even splurge on Panda Express every so often, but we are still paying off adoption fees from John & my goodness it's a never ending pile of bills! To adopt again?  Matthew's wallet cowered in fear as we discussed options, payment plans, loans, credit cards.  So, with that...we dropped the subject.  We want to giver our son & future child(ren) the best, happiest & most stable home, financially, and in every other way possible as well.  Matthew has been working a ton of overtime, I've been trying to budget much better, use less gas, less air conditioner, and oddly, I've been content to wait on the Lord & His timing.  But, God stirred my heart.  In a big way.  I felt called to pray for our next adoption.  God asked me to pray.  I don't know why since we decided to put it on the back burner.

I told Matthew this.  He thought it was crazy but couldn't deny that if God is asking then I should answer & need to continue to pray.  Days go by, more crazy things happen & what we never thought we'd ever do we decided to pursue.  It's something that has not been on our radar.  Matthew has been very clear about wanting to adopt domestically & I've been happy to agree to his final decision.  But, like I said, when God asks you to do something then you should answer.  So, with that said, we answered God's calling & the little O'Brien  family is going  to start the process to fost-adopt!  We will be attending our first orientation meeting with Clark County services here in Nevada in June & will proceed from there!  I know this is from God because I am crazy scared!  I love me a good adventure but this one seems so GOD-sized that I find myself intimidated & a bit unsure!

How will this affect our family?  Matthew's work?  My amazingly awesome average mothering skills?  My little boy, the only child...how will this affect him?  And how in the world will we be able to provide a stable home with our adoption debt?  Wel, ya'll...the answer to that is simple. Matthew is going to continue with overtime, I will continue being vigilant in budgeting & we are going to fund raise!  We'd like to be able to pay off a big chunk of our current adoption fees, have some money ready for very minimal payments that foster care certification requires (finger prints, Nevada drivers licenses & plates), and to be able to provide for our newest member without adding on any stress.  We want to put all of our energy into welcoming a child(ren) into our home without spending time gawking over budgets and finances!

This time around, fundraising is going to be very different!  We will be doing a few BIG things, rather than a ton of small things.  If you'd like to partner with us & help us raise funds, you can email me at AshleyOBrien129@yahoo.com.  If you'd like to donate you can click the Donate button below & if you'd like to pray, we ask that you pray for the process to be a smooth one, that our home would be ready, our hearts be ready, John & our dog Mo, be ready.  And most of all, our future son and/or daughter to be safe, healthy & loved in spite of their status as wards of the state.  We pray that God keep their little love tanks filled with His love and peace.

Oh, and if you are asking yourself "why are you sharing so soon?"  Well, the answer is this.  We did the same with John's adoption.  The moment we knew we were ready & that was what we were going to pursue, we shared because we were excited but more importantly because we recognize the importance of community & prayer!  We cannot do this without you on our side! Your love, prayers & encouragement are what will bring our newest little one home!

So, here's to new adventures!!!

 

WeeStructed Giveaway

Today is the big day! Sarah is giving you a chance to win a $25 shop credit to WeeStructed!  Check out my Instagram for rules & how to enter!!!

Choose Joy

It's hitting me like a ton of bricks.  I am leaving behind my sweet darling son & handsome as can be hubby for So-Cal.  My home.  Tomorrow morning.  I'm not just leaving for the heck of it.  I am going to a conference.  I'm not just going to the conference.  I am SPEAKING at it.  I am sharing information I have never shared before.  I am going to spill my guts &....What if people hate my guts?  What if the attendees see my guts and think "Ew.  Those are gross.  Most unholy guts I've ever seen"

On the other hand.  There is no way that people will hate my guts.  They will see Jesus in my journey.  I have made sure I have given Him all the glory.  I am so excited.  So overwhelmed.  SO TOTALLY READY to share my story.  To let people in on the nitty gritty.  I've never done it before but this is the chance I have been waiting for.  I know that my story has needed to be told but how?  When?  Why?  This conference was a God-given gift to share all that He has done in me & point people to Him.  The ultimate healer.  The friend, Lord & counselor I needed.  So, bring it on, Choose Joy!  I may faint at your podium mid-story sharing but I am ready for you!!!!!

This trip is also about a time of relaxation & rest.  A time of recharging.  I haven't been away from John since last summer.  I went to Africa for two weeks.  But it wasn't a time of relaxation.  It was a time of BUSY, a time of WORK & LABOR and LOVING on EVERYBODY.  I have never had such an amazing privilege and I've never returned from an adventure so TIRED!  But this time?  I leave tomorrow morning.  I'll grab a Starbucks on my way to the freeway.  I'll get to the freeway and have to choose between Taylor Swift & the Frozen soundtrack (I have incredibly sophisticated taste in music) .  I'll turn that CD off midway through and talk to Jesus for awhile.  After four hours of alone time in the car.  I'll arrive at my destination.  The beach.  Gonna lay my towel down on the beautiful sands of Oceanside & I'm gonna read.  Take a nap.  Catch a tan.  Practice my story telling.  Then, I'll go attend the Queen Bee market where beautiful things are born & afterwards, attend the Speaker's Dinner where I will finally meet the women I have talked to for so long over the internets.  Saturday morning will be much the same.  I'll wake up at my parents house, hang out with my sister, maybe even do this after I've SLEPT IN.  I haven't done that but for one day since John was born.  I'll have lunch with my best friend at my favorite restaurant and then we'll head over to the conference where I will spill my guts. 

Ya'll, these next two days are going to be amazing.  I am so excited for what the Lord is going to do through all this time that I get to spend with Him.  I cannot wait to recharge myself with time of peace & quiet & I am anticipating amazing things from Choose Joy.  I can hardly wait until I get to write my next post and share with you all that amazingness!

(Giveaway from WeeStructed starts tomorrow! Make sure you're following my Instagram & enter for your chance to win!!!)

Big News!

Ya'll. John and I have had a super fun week.  It's been a blast to see how The Lord has blessed us and given us ways to share in His glory.  And to be honest, our fun news were not things we had on our radar.

So, shall I get to sharing???

I'll start with John's news!  As some of you may know, I've really started to enjoy Instagram and love finding amazing shops, buying from these small businesses and I extra special love shopping from mom-prenuers.  It's a privelege to support these women and their shops.  There has been one shop in particular I've been following for awhile.  The shop is Weestructed and the beautiful mama behind it is Sarah.  Her stuff is all kinds of awesome.  Well, she reached out to me and asked if John John would want to be her very first official brand rep!  For those of you who don't know what that means, essentially John is her very own tiny model for her Weestructed clothing line.  Of course, John had his demands.  Such as payment by yogurt bites, but other than that, I couldn't wait to say YES to this exciting opportunity!  It is a blessing for us to represent a clothing line we believe in and we hope we do it well!  Also, to kick off John's new career as little brand rep, Sarah is offering one of my readers a $25 store credit!  I will be hosting this giveaway on my Instagram starting later on this week so make sure you are following for your chance to win!!!! 

Bummys.  Warrior Band  & Bullying is Junk-Giveback tee from WeeStructed!

As for my news!  Well, this Saturday is my very first adoption conference!  It's called Choose Joy and is for all those women (and men) dealing with infertility and adoption!

 It's quite amazing and some 150 people will be in attendance for this one day conference in So Cal!  There are going to be breakout sessions, worship, prayer and dinner.  (Yep.  I'm already excited about eating.  I have issues)  Anyway, the woman behind this conference is Emmy.  Her family recently said goodbye to a very important family member but she was unable to attend services because of Choose Joy.  Well for whatever reason I felt this huge compelling need to write my testimony out the other night.  I like to call this huge compelling need the Holy Spirit.  And after seeing Emmy's sacrifice, I had another huge and compelling need to share it with her.  I wanted Emmy to see exactly why she was putting on this conference and how this was going to be so wonderful for women like me.  I hoped it would encourage her and show her what a blessing she was.  I received an email in response pretty quickly after I hit "send" and it was Emmy asking me to share my story with the rest of the attendees at the conference on Saturday!  I then likened the Holy Spirit to a herd of elephants stomping all over my stomach and knew that meant I had to accept this opportunity.  And so I did.  On Saturday, after Emmy welcomes us all in...I will be the first speaker.  Sharing information I have never shared before, letting 150 people in on my past, my journey, my struggles, and my how I overcame it all thanks only to The Lord.  So, if you think about it.  Please pray.  I hate being the center of attention like this, which is odd, considering I'm an extrovert, but to God be the glory in all of this!

Oh, and I almost forgot!  Matt had a big week, too!  He got a new video game!  Haha!  I love how I rock the boat and Matthew stabilizes it.  His strong, stable and calm presence is such a blessing to our home.  With one wild dog, a crazy-hyper toddler, and me filled with rollercoasters of emotions and an incessant need to be busy, he is so necessary.  I love you, Matthew.  The brake to my gas pedal.  The calm to my storm.  

 So, here's to exciting adventures for the O'Brien family!!!

Say Hello to My Perfect Sunday

Not to brag or anything but I'm pretty sure my Sunday was perfect.

***Not pictured below are the whole wheat organic pancakes I made for breakfast that we topped with fresh bananas and strawberries and smothered in organic pure maple syrup.  No time for photos when you're shoveling food into your mouth, am I right?

Anyway, onto the photo dump.

I'm Gonna Learn to Be a Skater...Unless I Break My Bones First.

Y'all...I'm TWENTY EIGHT years old.  Twenty-stinkin'-eight.  I've mentioned it a few times & I'm gonna say it again right now.  I have always had a fear of growing old.  Old seems so boring. I don't want to be a boring grown up.  I want to be cool & hip & know all the cool bands.  Okay, I can skip on the cool bands because I kinda like my 90's emo & rock music still and don't want to like Justin Bieber.  Anywho, with that said...I have an announcement to make.  I, Ashley O'Brien, am going to learn to skateboard.

Learned to stand on the board on a super old skateboard that belongs to my hubby.  On our dirty patio with a furry audience.

 

 

 

 

 

There!  I said it!  Now you know & now you can keep me accountable.  But, where did this crazy idea come from?  Well, I get bored super easily.  It's why I can't go to the gym & like it.  Treadmills & weight lifting machines are so repetitive.  It's why I can't do Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred, even though I actually really like the workout.  The same workout over and over and over kills me!  Snooze-fest!  So, that's why I started taking John to the tennis courts with me.  It's always different.  I get to do whatever I want.  John joins in.  We play, run, jump & get active.  But, I've been inspired to not let myself stop there.  I want to be active like basically all the time.  So, I decided to learn a new activity.  Something I could do with John while he's on a tricycle or running around in circles at Sunset Park.  I mean, I don't have much longer in my 20s & I'm pretty sure if I wait until I'm 35 my frail ole' bones won't work for me anymore (Hashtag:Sarcasm).  But seriously, that's what is going through my head!  I am NOT old!  I am not fragile!  I don't ever want to succumb to feeling old & fragile.  Even if I have the privilege of living to 100 years old!  So, it's time to learn something new!

And yes.  That's John.  Chillin' in the background.

(Mama Bear tee: Loved by Hannah & Eli)

But, before I get all gung-ho over this....lemme just tell you, when I made this ever-so random announcement to Matthew, he was not pleased.  In fact, we got in a bit of a tiff over it.  It wasn't really a fight but more like a very heated (and looking back, rather comical) discussion.  He said I probably shouldn't do it.  Too dangerous.  Too risky.  I said "How dare you not believe in me!  Why can't you support me!?"  Yep, that's seriously what I said.  He said it wasn't necessarily about support & belief, more so than just worrying about me.  I walked away with a few tears in my eyes, he walked away wondering why the heck I was crying.  I called him a butthead, felt better, and decided despite the risk I still want to learn.  Matthew suggested knee pads, a helmet and a butt pad (I think he made that up, right???)  So, ya'll...HERE'S TO NEW ADVENTURES!!!!

WeeStructed "Bones Heal" kids Slouch Beanie.  

 P.S. Any suggestions on skateboards or longboards?  I hear a good one can get rather expensive...But I've yet to win the lotto, so I have to stay on budget.  If you know anything about this topic, I'd love your help!!!