How To Be a Mother???

Let him cry. Don't let him cry. Mix his home made food with Gerber food. Don't give him baby cookies. Give him oatmeal.  Hold his bottle for him. Don't hold his bottle for him.  He should be doing that by now.  Don't worry if he's not doing that just yet.   Hang him upside down. Hang him from a flag pole. Wash his hair once a month. Wash his hair once a week.  Make sure he crawls first.  He doesn't need to crawl.  You coddle him too much.  You don't coddle him enough...Let him cry it out.  Never let him cry at all. 

My brain is 'bout ready to burst with all the advice, tricks and opinions that have been very lovingly bestowed upon me and I'm at my wits end with what to do with all this!  Maybe the problem is that John has always been an alert, easy going, baby who ate well, ate anything and hit his milestones with time to spare. But now, I'm faced with challenges like sippy cups and finger foods and separation anxiety. And yes...I did just call sippy cups a challenge.  

Sometimes I felt guilty that I don't give John a sippy cup every day or let him hold his bottle or feed my son organic homemade baby food and grow our own veggies  and make proper meals for breakfast, lunch & dinner every day.  I don't know when this guilt took over...it just sort of quietly seeped its way into my heart and lately I find myself questioning absolutely everything I do as John's momma. So what do I do to solve this problem? I ask everybody I can for their advice, of course, and most of the time the advice is good but almost always conflicts with another piece of advice I have been given. Like always.  Not to mention, as valid as it may seem...perhaps I shouldn't trust the advice of the grocery clerk bagging my groceries.  I've never even met her before...

The other problem with all of this is that I have never actually stopped to ask myself what advice I'd give me.  Why would I never stop to think what I thought of certain topics?  Doesn't my opinion matter?  Aren't I the momma who knows John John best?  And even worse yet,  I never thought to ask The Lord for wisdom and discernment & isn't that something we should be doing every day, anyway!?   Every baby is different. Every momma is different and every parenting experience is different. So what is right for the John John and I may be very different for what is right for another family.  I may not grow my own organic veggies & I may not make spectacular meals for dinner every night (or any night.  I don't do spectacular in the kitchen.) and I shouldn't feel guilty if I choose to "coddle" my baby a bit too much for some people's liking.  So really the problem is...I do not need to compare myself to another.  There is no point...I'm not in a race with any other momma out there & this is not a competition.  This is life.  This is real & this can get messy.  The Instagram photos & Facebook statuses of precious moments & milestone markers, etc...are only that: moments.  And even though I am happy their sweet one just read the entire Bible including Spurgeon's commentary & she is only 7 months old...that doesn't mean they are a better momma then me.  It means that they too are doing everything they can to be the best mom they can be & are proud of their little babe (as they should be!).

The other thing I am learning to realize is that John can live and learn at his own pace. Some things he may learn to do early and others he may take a bit longer. But it is no reflection on John's intelligence or my mothering skills & it does not matter what other people say.  What matters is that we are going at a perfect pace for us.  So no...John will not hold his own bottle yet...and yes, he can crawl & pull himself up to standing but no, he does not like textured food & yes, he only washes his hair once every two weeks.  But that's what works for John John and I and thanks to the grace the Lord gives anew everyday, and for his blessing me with a sweet baby & a good sense of humor...most days go by fairly uneventful.  We wake up, play, eat nap & repeat.  Some days we do sensory play & activities & sippy cups & other days we watch Princess & the Frog while I feed him his bottle & Gerber baby food.  But, such is life....real.  raw.  fun. messy & all too fleeting.

Basically, what I have learned about being a momma is to offer myself and other mothers grace, encouragement, support and love. I know that as a first time mom myself what I love to hear most is that I am doing a good job.

Me with my perfect, precious, advanced, genius of a child.  Obviously.

Almost There...

It seems like forever ago when I blurted out to my husband that I needed to travel to Africa.  I know the desire didn't come from me since I'm not big into traveling so I knew it was from the Lord when the very next door an opportunity presented itself to join a team serving in Africa this summer. The more I learned about this trip the more I knew Africa was where I needed to be this summer.  In every photo of the orphan thousands of miles away I saw my son.  John John, a sweet boy who is so loved, so blessed & fed, clothed & sheltered.  We fought for him.  We didn't know when he would come & how he would get here....but we fought for our son to come home.  For a lot of the children I have the privilege to meet in a few short months...there is not a family fighting for them.  So I am going to go there & I am going to show them love.  The kind of love that I show my boy every day...I am going to show to them.  I am going to love them, pray for them, play with them & hug them.  They are going to know...that whether I am physically there with them or countries away that there is somebody fighting for them.

After a few fundraisers, a number of generous donations & some babysitting money of my own...I have so far raised $1,600 toward my trip.  This means that I am now only $2,000 away from my goal.  I cannot believe how in a month and a half I am so close to getting there!  My God is not a God who is burdened by deadlines and time limits.  He is limitless....and that's an important thing to remember.

So, I am going to boldly ask you to help send me.  Most importantly, I ask for your prayers.  For faith, for travel mercies, & for provisions but I also ask that you help by providing.  Your money is not going towards a trip to fulfill my desire to see the world or have a vacation or getaway.  Every dollar donated is going to help send me & a team of others to bless the people of Uganda & Ethiopia.  We are going to share the love of Jesus, show the love of Jesus & be His hands & feet.  There are a number of ways that you can give toward my trip.  The first is to donate.  You can do that by clicking the DONATE BUTTON below.

Any amount is appreciated & every penny counts.  Please consider partnering with me on this journey & donating!

You can also help send me to Africa by buying a T-shirt from Chrome Buffalo!  There are only three days left to purchase this T-shirt for only $22!...and for every tee that is bought....$11 will be donated to my trip! (Men & children's sizes available)

Or maybe you really love shopping fair trade?  Then feel free to shop Once Was Lost!  There are some beautiful items you can purchase here & 50% of every purchase made goes toward my trip as well!  All you have to do is type in my name on "Notes to Seller" at checkout & bada-bing bada-boom...Your shopping has become a blessing!

Clothes & jewels not really your thing right now?  Me either...just kidding.  But, you can also buy some sweet treats from an amazing shop called Paradise Sweets!!!  The beautiful woman behind the shop is not currently taking orders in her Etsy shop but she has so graciously agreed to bless my trip with her delicious talents! 

 

You can purchase these in increments of six.  So 6 cookies, 12 cookies, 18 cookies, etc.  And, if you can allow me to give you a tip.  Six are not enough!  These are the kinds of cookies you share!!!  To make this easy on you...if you'd like to order these cookies you can either email me at Ashleyobrien129@yahoo.com or leave a comment below with the email address you use for PayPal and the amount you'd like order!  I will invoice you & as soon as you have paid I will send in your order to be baked fresh!  

 6 Africa cookies- $25.00

12 Africa cookies- 45.00

18 Africa cookies-$65.00

Shipping-$4.00

Local delivery-FREE!

...and did I mention that Gwen Stefani from No Doubt also thinks these cookies are delish!?

Anyway, that all being said...I need to have another $1,000 sent in by this Friday!!!  I'm trying not to worry since I know that the Lord will provide.  He always has & He always will.  Please consider donating, or doing a bit of shopping...or as my friend, Wynne, likes to call it...Make a few "purchases with purpose."

Family Road Trip

I don't know about yours, but my family has this uncanny ability to drive me crazy. Like completely crazy. But they also have this way of keeping me grounded and sane. I don't get how that works, but it does.  I love my family so much.   So, when Matt told me it had been a long time since he had seen or spoken to his family I was shocked! I mean, who drives him crazy? Just me? Why do I have to do all the hard work myself???

Anyway, since we're married and my family is now his family I decided to make his family my family, too. So I friend requested as many O'Briens on Facebook as I could and started sending letters and photos to Grams & Grandpa. It's been fun getting to know all these people that instantly loved me and my little family!

Then we found out that Grams had a total left hip replacement and that family would be in Arizona to help with Grandpa and all other details. I took this opportunity to take a road trip with John John and my sister in law to take the six hour drive to Phoenix and introduce John John to Great Grams and Great Grandpa. He also got to meet his cousin Rebecca and sweet two month old cousin, Pearl as well as Great Aunt Cynthia. The trip was wonderful.

We hit the road at 4:30 AM on Wednesday morning, arrived at noon...spent the day with Matt's amazing family, got back on the road at 9 PM that night and made it home at 3 AM. My bum still hurts from the trek but it was worth it...and we can't wait to go back out and visit again soon. Anyway, enough babbling...here are some snapshots of an amazing day.

Somewhere right past the sign that said "State Prison Ahead.  Do not pick up hitchhikers"  Best sign ever.

John John and Aunt Sarah taking a break from driving.  John obviously did most of the driving himself.

Stretching his legs at the McDonald's play area.

Meeting Great Grams for the first time.  They loved each other.

Attacking Playing with cousin Pearl

Being swung around like a monkey by cousin Rebecca

Swimming time!

Baby Swap!

 

 

 

After putting these photos in chronological order for you...I realize why God did not give us twins.

Anyway, God is good & Great Grams had a successful surgery & is going into rehab for physical therapy.  I'm hoping we get to visit again very soon and John John can get to know even more family who loves him so much!!!

Once Was Lost

I'm pretty excited, friends!  I am halfway to having my entire trip to Africa fully funded!  So many have already given so generously...but still I find more & more people who are excited to help in any way.  In the next few days I am going to have awesome ways for you to help me get to Africa to love orphans for TEN DAYS and your financial assistance comes by the way of  SHOPPING!!! 

I am currently a missions trip affiliate with an amazing store called Once Was Lost & every purchase you make 50% of the proceeds are given to my trip!  When you check out all you have to do is leave my name (ASHLEY O'BRIEN) in the "Notes to Seller" box & I will be blessed by your purchase!  Check the store out using the button below...and FYI...here are some of my favorite products from the shop:

The Orphan & Beyond. Step FIVE.

Finally....we've made it to step FIVE of the Orphan & Beyond series!  If you want to read what the heck I'm talking about you can read my first and original post about the series HERE. 

So far we've gone over how important it is to know God's heart on the subject of the poor & oppressed.  Then we prayed for God's heart.  Then we learned how intricately the orphan is entangled with those with AIDS, the trafficked & enslaved & the poor.  Afterwards, we realized now that you know this there is no going back...so here we are at step FIVE & you are probably asking "What am I supposed to do with all of this information?"  It's simple....

 

It's simple...you know that we are here to let the whole world know who Jesus is & to preach the Gospel & no only to preach..but to live it out loud.  How can we do that?  Do something about these issues!  But you may be all like "Oh, Ashley!  I don't really want to adopt!  How can I stop the orphan crisis?"

Well, friend...let me tell you something, you can change the world without adopting!  And maybe you can't change the whole world & I'm pretty sure if you did, it would just get messed up again...but you can change the world for one, or some...and you can make changes that will follow you into eternity...  There are so many ways, but instead of me listing ways & resources, I'd like to direct you to two of my favorite blogs.  Wynne & Chantel are amazing & have compiled lists & blogs & all kinds of resources for you.

Check out Wynne's blog HERE

Check out Chantel's blog HERE

I pray that you are called to action & live the Gospel out loud!

Radical. Church Zero.

Do you remember back to my January post about being RADICAL?  No...probably not.  so read it here. 

I'll wait until you're done.


Finished?  Okay...good. 

I mentioned that my life needed to change.  I mentioned that being content is no longer good enough and I needed a heart transplant...take out my heart and give me God's heart.  Not literally.  That's creepy.  But, you know what I mean. 

Anywho, a few paragraphs into that post...I mentioned about joining a small church plant that originated from my home church.  This itty bitty church is called Refuge Long Beach.  It may be small...but it is POWERFUL...and it is RADICAL.  Seriously, it is an odd group of affluent, old, young, poor, the lost, the rejected, the poor, the homeless & the forsaken.  Basically...it's like Jesus gathered "the least of these" and threw them all into an auditorium and called it our church.  It's AMAZING & in the short time I've been there I've seen lives changed.  Men go from homeless to sheltered & employed.  Families paving the way for children to grow up in a home filled with Christ....The point is, this isn't just a church like your average church.  It's the church that God intended...it's the Scriptural church of Acts.  It would make the apostle Paul proud.  The pastor at our church, Peyton, he is to blame for all of this.  He is the one who pioneered the church plant (along with a slew of other amazing men & women) and he is a radical, blunt, funny & a Jesus loving guy.  Not to mention, he and his crazy cool wife have adopted & are adopting again.  You may recognize them from this post...They are still waiting for their sweet boy, wherever he may be & I ask that you pray for them in this!  But, Peyton wrote a book.  It's called Church Zero & it's radical. 

From the back cover:

 

It’s Time to punch delete and Hit ‘Reset.’

 

What happened to the Western Church? When did we stop being radical, dangerous, and impossible to ignore? Why are we losing the generation under 30 and reaching so few nonbelievers?

 

In Church Zero, Peyton Jones says one of our big problems is this: we squeeze our leaders into a mold that cuts their hair and drains away their commando strength.

 

Scripture lays out a leadership model that worked explosively in the first century—but frankly, we’re scared of it. We don’t have to be. When properly understood, Christ’s model can help your church live the way the body was meant to live, truly making a difference in your community.   Church Zero gives the blueprints for how the Western Church might start rebuilding from the ground up if a pipe bomb were placed underneath all of our church structures overnight. What would tomorrow look like if we had to restart from a biblical ground zero? 

 

Church Zero will help us once again become a radical, dangerous people who cannot be ignored. It’s time to break out of the matrix.

 

 

How does this matter to anything I've been talking about here about orphans?  How is this at all relevant to my desire to change the world?  It has everything to do with these things.  The church needs to change.  There are rolls that need to be filled in the church, like that of apostle & prophet & when we can do that we will change the world & expand the kingdom of God.  For reals.  Don't believe me?  Read the book.  Peyton will share his heart for a reformed church to be built from the ground up & he will do it with Scripture & way too many pop culture references!  It's amazing!  I per-ordered my copy for my Kindle & am about half way done...but I have a special gift for you, too.  You can download & read this book for FREE!  But for a limited time only.  Go HERE, to Amazon & download your free digital copy.  Promise you won't be disappointed.

And, if you miss the chance to download it for FREE, buy a copy!  It's worth your $15 & not to mention, the publisher is a non-profit.  So, any profit that they do make...it goes to third world country missions.  You get an awesome book.  Win.  Those in need hear the gospel preached.  Win.

The Orphan & Beyond. Step Four.

We are almost done!  We've gone over Step 1, Step 2, Step 3 & here we are at step FOUR!

What you will need: Willingness to accept

 

That's right....Now that you know what the Bible says about the poor & oppressed (step 1), now that you've prayed for a change of heart regarding the poor (step 2) and now that you understand how the orphan, widow, HIV/AIDS positive & trafficked are all tangled up together (step 3)...there is no going back...and you are now accountable for what you do with this information. 

Here is an excerpt from an amazingly good book I've read this past week called AWAKE by Noel Brewer Yeatts: 

I ask God every day to show me who He is.  It's a dangerous request if you aren't ready for it.  Because God is joy & love and all those good things, but to really know God is to know Him in His pain too.  Good loses a child every day.  He sees things we don't see.  You can change the channel when you see a starving child commercial...but God knows that child intimately...they are His.  A father who, every day, has to watch his children die all alone...with no one to even cry over them......When we stand before God one day, will we really say that we didn't know?  Will we really say that we didn't see the needs of our world - that we chose to look away?  What will our excuse be for not getting involved?

I'm gonna let that sink in....