How to Honor My Husband: Acts of Service

The past two weekends I have posted ways in which I can improve my marriage.  I firmly believe that a better marriage starts with me.  I say this because it's the way people in any type of relationship should think!  Want a better friendship?  Relationship with your parents?  It starts with you!  The first week I wrote about looking better for my handsome hubby.  The second week I wrote about using my words to improve our marriage.  This past week I added on to that acts of service. 

 Acts of service was a bit harder for me.  For a few reasons, I am a stay at home mom with a two month old.  I don't spend my days chasing him around & he still takes nice long naps.  So our house is clean.  I am also an early bird.  I love waking up early.  So by the time my husband wakes up for work the dishes from the night before have been put away, the living room/dining room has been tidied up, his lunch is made and coffee is fresh.  (It also helps that we live in a small apartment so cleaning up never takes too long!)  I am also OCD, a neat-freak an excellent house-wife and I have always enjoyed my time alone cleaning.  It's where I do my best thinking.  I usually have dinner made or at least a plan of attack on feeding my ravenous hubby after a long day of work.  So, those things were not a challenge.  I consider them my job as long as I am staying at home.  Also, those things don't really matter to Matthew.  I have talked to him about this in length a few weeks ago & he actually asked me to stop cleaning up so much!  He says I need to take more time to relax and he rarely notices a hand print on the table top or dust on the dresser & when he does he says it doesn't bother him at all...Whatta guy, right!?

So, all those things, yes, I think are great ways to serve my husband but they weren't speaking to his heart and letting him feel my love.  For some husbands I think that would make them feel sooo loved and would mean so much!  I had to figure out a different way to serve Matthew & it was easy.  I simply asked him.  On Sunday nights he gets home earlier than normal from lack of traffic so we usually have more time to sit down, relax & catch-up.  About three weeks ago I told him I wanted to be a better helper to him and since I still find him so enigmatic most of the time I needed his help.  He, of course, happily obliged.  I have been asking him every Sunday night what his goals for the week are & how I can help him achieve them.  I was actually surprised how simple & easy his goals were.  They usually involved him having a full nights sleep or being able to go and play basketball one or two nights of the week.  But it helped knowing his expectations for the week.  Why?  There was no lack of communication anymore.  I knew he wanted to hit the hay early.  So I would spend some extra time relaxing that day so if the baby woke up during the night I could get up with him.  Or, if it was a basketball week for Matt, I would see if any of my friends would want to come over to hang out so I wouldn't be missing my hubby & he'd have more time to stay out late and play.  It also helped because when I was helping him do the things he wanted he was a happier, sweeter & better husband.  He was also willing, without even noticing, I think, to do more to help me which made me a happier, sweeter & better wife!

Win-Win.  I like that.  Give it a try & please let me know how you serve your husband!  I would love to find more ways to be a better wife in this department! =)

P.S. As I have been working on these things to improve my role as wife I have noticed that Matthew & I have that newlywed-bliss thing going on again.  It's awesome!  I can feel it, Matt can feel it & John can, too! 

 

Hello, marital bliss!

A Lovely Day

I woke up thinking yesterday would be filled with laundry & toilet scrubbing.  Instead it was a beautiful day spent with my momma and my baby in Old Town Orange.  For those who aren't local, Old Towne Orange is a historic part of Orange County filled with at least a dozen legit antique stores, boutiques and about a bazillion great places to eat.  I could have spent all day there....instead I settled for a few hours.  I didn't take too many photos but here is what I did manage to immortalize:

 

Lunch at Watson's Drug Store

A new toy giraffe from the children's boutique!

Some awesome wooden blocks I scored from one of the many antique stores

Special family time with John, my parents & sister.

Pumpkin Cupcake Perfection

Love this place!

Exchanging funny photos and E*Cards with my best friend & my sister

A lovely day, indeed!

How To Honor My Husband: My Words

Last Saturday I shared a secret with you: My marriage is not perfect. Shocking, right? I decided to take a long hard look at what I was doing wrong...

I started off easy. My first step to marital bliss was to go from frump to fab! Read the details here. I've almost conquered that and I say that confidently because actually putting on clothes appropriate to leave the house in 1.Made me more productive 2. Made me feel prettier, which made me want to keep that feeling! and 3. I could tell Matt really appreciated it!

(Shorts.  Tank top. Sanoks. A bit of make up.  So comfy but still looks so much better than my yoga pants & frump tee!)

So after that, I added on an improvement with my words. I became more aware of not only what I was saying to my husband but how I was saying it. I started by removing the following words from my vocabulary:

Anything Negative!

I then replaced them with things I admire about my husband.  I also sat down & made a list of adjectives I'd use to describe Matthew, which helped me out a lot & made me feel so blessed! (FYI: My list was much longer than the one below)

Handsome
Godly
Smart
Hard working
Fun
Loving

I used positive words as often as possible. Even if I didn't think Matthew was being particularly hard working at that moment because he didn't want to throw the trash, instead of muttering about his laziness, I threw the trash out myself without a single complaint. Sometimes hard? Yep. But not impossible. And he appreciated my respect & I was much happier too.  Don't sweat the small stuff.

I also watched my tone. I still gave him my unsolicited advice at times but rather than "That's not how you do it" I'd help gently and if he didn't want to take my advice that's where the conversation ended.

Example:
Me: I like to wash John's hair like this! (Happy tone o' voice as I quickly showed him)

If Matt didn't want to do it that way? Oh well! His way wasn't wrong it just wasn't my way!

And finally, I was reading Love and Respect last Sunday and spent all week reflecting on a scripture verse Dr Eggerichs referenced in the book of Titus where the older generation of women are encouraged to teach the younger generation to LOVE their husbands. But the word for love used was the Greek word PHILEO, not agape. Why? Well because I can agape love my husband like nobody's business.  God created women with the ability to love unconditionally...But PHILEO? Brotherly love? Friendly love? Think about it...God knew women would have a harder time with PHILEO.  Our daily lives get in the way.  We can grow frustrated & often times even impatient.  As Eggerichs says in his book "She may scold & sigh way too much.  After all, there is always something or someone who needs correcting.  She cares deeply.  Her motives are filled with agape, but her methods lack phileo" God knew that our husbands would truly desire that kind of phileo-lovin', so He made sure those instructions from Titus 2 made its way into the Bible and into our hearts!

I also surprised Matt with kind words in other ways. Like a quick text thanking him for working so hard and even a few mirror-notes to start off his day.  Doing things like those were much easier but it meant a lot to him.  How do I know?  He told me.

 (Dry Erase Markers are perfect for mirrors!  I use them to write love notes to my hubby & to put scripture in a place we'll see it everyday!  Comes off easily with just a little glass cleaner!)

How do you honor your husband with your words?

Next week: Honoring my husband by serving him.

(Disclaimer: Please do not read too deep into these posts.  I am being honest in saying that my marriage needs work but it is not in trouble.  Truth is...your marriage needs work too!  I'm enjoying the fruits of my labor & have never loved my husband more than I do today!  But, sometimes life gets in the way.  It's just so daily!  I think we all need these reminders & the encouragement to make a deliberate effort to improve our lives with the ones who lead our homes, holds our hands, makes us laugh & loves us like crazy: Our husbands!)

Dear John. #2

John,

Month number two has been eventful! You've learned to smile and "talk" and you loooove to lay on your side, look in the mirror, play in water and listen to me sing & to daddy whistle. You are the sweetest and best little friend your daddy and I have ever had and we pray for you every single day! You are so loved by so many, especially by Jesus :)

Being Mommy: Month Two

Exactly one month ago I sat here and reflected on being a mommy for one month. I foolishly assumed that month #2 would lack the surprise and intrigue I needed to truly reflect on the past 31 days. I was wrong. Here is what I have learned about being a mommy for TWO MONTHS:

1. It gets easier. The sleepless nights don't last forever, the crying is no longer cryptic and making a schedule doesn't seem like moving a mountain anymore.

2. The laundry will never end. I thought maybe with all our rookie parent mistakes we might have been going through laundry a bit faster than usual, but NOPE! Loads of laundry (pun intended) is the new norm.

3. The phrase "They grow up so fast!" Turns out that's the truth, too!

4. I am still getting to know my son, but everyday is amazing. Watching him learn and grow is the best and watching him light up when he sees me makes my heart skip a beat. I truly learned that a part of my heart that did not exist before John surely does now.

5. I have never loved watching anything as much as I love watching daddy and baby playing and talking and laughing.

6. I have also learned the total agape love my husband has for me. He is loving and selfless as he works hard so I can stay home with our little man and works so hard to continue to be a great husband and to be a great daddy.

7. John's hair will forever grow exponentially faster than the rest of him. He's the coolest guy ever.

8. People will offer advice, especially regarding adoption advice. Most of it is nonsense but we have learned to handle it graciously; always thanking the advisor for their encouragement and concern. This is also the best segway into having the opportunity to share with them what adoption is about.

How to Honor My Husband: My Looks

In my last post I mentioned that with the arrival of our little man, and the stressors that come along with adding a new member to the family, my marriage has been a tad bit strained.

I mean, we had an immediate adoption placement, came home and I was immediately on maternity leave and that left Matthew left to be the sole provider of our home. He's an amazingly hardworking man and has signed up to work overtime for every available shift that is open at his work.

But that on top of everyday life, we haven't been the best husband and wife to each other. We got in a fight the other day and I was so angry that he wasn't seeing things my way and I was so angry because he never does what I need! Why won't he compliment me more? Or throw the trash out at night!? Why isn't he perfect and a mind reader and fulfilling my every whim and desire!? I was (I'm so embarrassed to admit) about to sit down and make a list of all his wrong doings so I could prove how I was truly the victim, but then...I felt a bit convicted....like a lot convicted actually...and instead of my original list, I began to list all of my wrong doings against my husband.

Turns out in my quest to be the best mom and home maker possible I started to become a really bad wife. I was encouraged by my BFF to read Proverbs 31 as well as to HONOR AND RESPECT my husband NO MATTER WHAT.

So, to cut my story short, I am working on being a Godly wife, a respectful and submissive wife and putting my husbands needs before my own. How do I do that? One step at a time, I suppose.

Every so often, I'm going to come back here and update you on my husband honoring adventures. My first assignment is to be more girl and less frump. By promising the following:

1. I promise to no longer wear any of my husbands clothes to bed...or ever. Even those ridiculously comfy sweat pants.

2. I promise to brush my hair and apply a bit of make up (at least some tinted moisturizer!) before hubby comes home from work everyday.

3. I promise to dress up when we go out together. Just like I used to when he'd pick me up for a date!

4. I promise that even when it's time to jump into my jammies for the night, I will put more effort into it. Cute tank tops and matching shorts or if its cold, nice feminine pajama pants. No more frumpy clothes!

5. I promise to try and be pretty for my husband and not excuse myself from it because I'm "too busy" or "too tired." He isn't "too tired" to be doing 50+ hours of work a week so the least I can do is to look semi-decent when he finally does get home.

What would you promise?

Does anybody want to join me in this? I'd love to do a link-up so I can see how other wives are honoring their husbands! I'd also like to see some cute ideas for casual but cute clothes for around the house. How in the world do you do a link up? No idea! But if this is something you'd wanna do too, lets get the ball rolling!

Next week: My adventures in honoring my husband with my words...

(Disclaimer: Please do not read too deep into these posts.  I am being honest in saying that my marriage needs work but it is not in trouble.  Truth is...your marriage needs work too!  I'm enjoying the fruits of my labor & have never loved my husband more than I do today!  But, sometimes life gets in the way.  It's just so daily!  I think we all need these reminders & the encouragement to make a deliberate effort to improve our lives with the ones who lead our homes, holds our hands, makes us laugh & loves us like crazy: Our husbands!)

My Happy Birthday Post! Hello 25!

First of all, let me share a little secret with you...I'm actually 27 now, not 25. But, I've decided to tell people that I'm 25 (for the third year in a row). I like being young. I always have. Ever since I was 16 going on 17 (cue the musical scene here) I dreaded birthdays. Correction: I dreaded growing older. NOT the celebration and the cake and ice cream.

Anyway, I guess it all just goes back to the way I thought about people older than me. I thought their lives looked boring and plain. I thought the jobs, the bills, the monotony of their day to day would bore me to death...But as I've grown older here are the things about being a grown up I've come to find are true:

1. Having my own car meant freedom. Being old enough to buy and care for my own car? Even cooler.

2. Moving out and paying rent? So much fun! I moved where I wanted and I moved when I wanted. And after all of that, living here in pretty Huntington Beach, CA, I am sure that I am right where I want to be.

3. Bills? Well, I was right about that. They still suck.

4. Grocery shopping is a lot more fun when nobody is telling me to stop putting junk food in the cart like my mom used to when she ruled the roost. On the flip side, I don't put as much junk food in the cart anymore...Mom would be proud.

5. I get to make my own decisions. What to have for breakfast? Cookie dough? Why, yes! Cookie dough sounds delightful!

6. Marriage: Game Over. SO NOT TRUE! Marriage: Game Just Beginning. I really did think that marriage was the end of all youthful fantasy. Marriage meant work and boredom and being old. I thought this way up until the day I met my husband. And though I was right about marriage being work...I was wrong about the rest. Being young and married is the best decision I have ever made. Well that and buying a straightening iron for my hair are the best decisions I've ever made.

7. Motherhood!? Blech! My favorite saying about me being a mom was always: Babies having babies. Not good! But, since the day I met my husband, I realized that was all wrong, too. There is nothing I wanted more than to be a mother to my husband's children... Having babies and starting a family is one of the coolest things about growing older.

There are a few more things I'd like to add...but I think you get the point...Basically, everything I thought about growing older was wrong. Well, except the bills. But, I do realize after all of this that maybe I should be 27 after all. 25 was an awesome year. Married my best friend. 26 wasn't too shabby either. Adopted our precious boy. 27? Bring it on!