Being Mom #2

 DISCLAIMER: Yes.  We are being cautious & taking one visit at a time.  We never expect two visits to be the same.  We are being careful & still trying to remain hopeful that the Lord is doing a good work in this relationship.

For those of you just joining me here on this blog, a little less than two weeks ago my family & I were placed with our first foster child.  Upon his arrival in our home he started to struggle.  He looked confused & scared.  He ate poorly, cried quickly & rarely accepted comfort without putting up a fight first.  But, he has slowly started to warm up to us.  After a few days he even began to smile!!!

A few days after his placement here Baby was scheduled for his first visitation with his mom.  We arrived & after a very rough and gut-wrenching start, she and I were able to talk & even bond over our mutual investment in her son.  We had our second visit with Mom a few days after that & I sit here unsure of how to even begin to process all of this...

I love Baby's mom so much.  Do I believe that Baby needed to be removed from her care?  Absolutely.  But do I believe that she loves her boy more than life itself?  YES.  DOUBLE YES.   

Of course, by law, I cannot share the reason for CPS to step in and out of respect for Baby & mom, I wouldn't share anyway.  But mom has opened up to me, dared to be vulnerable & shared intimate details of her situation.  And again, before anybody warn me to proceed with caution, tell me not to be naive, trust her or care for her (all warning we have already been given, unfortunately) we are being cautious.

We fully believe that Baby will be allowed to return to his mom.  So it is in his best interest for him to be allowed to see her.  He must continue bonding with her if he is to expected to have a smooth transition back home to her.

On the flip side, mom feels that the county already has their mind made up about her & no matter what she does, her son will never return to her care.  My heart aches for her.  During our visits she has thanked us again and again for loving her boy & she asked at one point if we were caring for him now in hopes that we would get to adopt him.  I told her the honest truth: We are caring for him because we want what's best for him.  I told her that she has our support, love & prayers & baby belongs with her.  But, if reunification was not an option, then we'd hope she'd support us adopting him.  And she does.  She and I both agree that no matter which way this case goes, we will always be united by the love we share for this little boy.

Mom says she is happy that her son is now a part of our happy family.  She coo's at him and asks Baby how his brother & doggy are doing.  She snuggles him closely and asks if I'm treating him well.  She'll smile and answer her own question and say that she can tell that he is treated well and so loved by how healthy, happy & handsome he is.

We sit next to each other & pass the baby back and forth between us.  I tell her how life is going in our home & she tells me about her family, her past, the case, the baby's first few months of life & her hopes & dreams for him.  She says if she were to never get her boy back, then this is stuff we'd want & need to know.  

At one point in our second visit, she referred to me as his mom.  I corrected her and said she is his mom.  We agreed on that but settled on the idea that I can be Mom #2.  It was a heavy, awkward & even a little humorous of a conversation.  But, either way, during that conversation, she gave me permission to be his mom.  Of course, I loved him as a son already, but it is a privilege to have her support to love him like that. 

This all may seem strange and believe me, it is!  We believe Baby's removal from his home was necessary.  We believe he should be here with us at least for now.  We also believe his mom and her love for him.  She is brave and strong & heartbroken.  She never planned for her child to have to go through this.

I have never simultaneously felt two opposing emotions at the same time.  I so completely desire the baby to return to his mom, and yet, so completely desire that he never ever have to leave here.  Only time will tell what is to happen to this baby boy & until then we hold him with open hands and open hearts wanting only what the Lord has in store for him.

Until all matters are settled, Baby will be the tiniest member of our family.  He will be violated with too many kisses on his chubby cheeks & forced to cuddle with me at will.  We will visit with his mom two times a week and we will support her in every effort to establish the life they both deserve.  

He Would Have Framed This Picture for His Kingdom [A Guest Post!]

Today, I bring you a guest post from a beautiful woman & new friend, Ashlyn!  Check out her blog here & the work that she does for the Kingdom of Christ!  It is beautiful & babies are born because she is brave enough to go out on the front lines & fight for them.  Anyway, enough of my rambling...This is a post that Ashlyn has written about saying goodbye to her daughter's birthmother at the hospital...

A Picture of Adoption

I have this picture in my head that I often wish I really had a picture to share. It is truly one of the most precious moments of my life.

After about 4 days in the hospital with "L" and Charlie, we were getting to take our little girl home. The hospital room was me, Dave, Charlie, "L" and "C" (Charlie's birth mother and grandmother). We chatted throughout the flower filled room, but their was a quietness of what was to come. "L" would crack jokes and we would laugh all to help lessen the pain. A mother was about to say good-bye to her daughter and we knew we were about to be a part of it. We had a sense of relief to finally get to go home and enjoy our new baby, but we had to be in the moment and give everything we had to "L". She deserved every second and we wanted to soak it all in.

Finally the nurses came in, trying to be sympathetic to the situation but having no idea what to say or how to facilitate who was leaving in what car and who was taking the baby. I can't imagine their job or what they felt that day. I often wonder what their perception was of the whole situation, but I hope we glorified God and they got a glimpse of His beautiful love story.

We all agreed that we should go down together, we are forever united by one little girl. Dave and "C" decided to go down and pull both cars to the front of the hospital. When they walked back up together, "L" was put into a wheelchair. We all grabbed some flowers, but the nurse held Charlie and wasn't sure who to give her to. We had "L" hold her as she was wheeled down, Dave walking along side her. I stayed a few steps back while sharing with "C" that I admired her and her daughter and no words could ever thank them enough. I tried to tell her everything I could within the walk to the car. I wanted to tell her everything but knowing no matter what I said, couldn't take the pain of good-bye away and that she was about to go home and comfort her daughter. We finally arrived to the car and all I could think was, it is finished.

We strapped Charlie in to her car seat, both women kissed and loved on her for a lifetime. When "L" backed out of the car I looked at her and my heart wept for her. I held her like I have never held anyone else. This picture is entrenched in my brain. Their was a crowd near by that was watching and trying to examine the situation. A nurse stood quietly to the side trying to hide her tears. This moment was purely a God give moment. I truly felt as if heaven was rejoicing over "L" and celebrated her for her selfless heart. That our world would never be the same because of her sacrifices. I know it is silly, but I always thought if God had a camera, he would have framed this picture for His kingdom.

As we all drove away in separate cars I knew that love would bring us back.

We are now getting ready to celebrate Charlie's first birthday in a few days. In a few days, both "C" and "L" will come and share a few hours with us and celebrate Charlie turning 1. And not just celebrate Charlie, but that our lives are all better for the events that took place a year ago. We have a bond that streghthens each of us and are walk with the Lord. When I think of Charlie and her adoption story my heart sings the praise, "O Lord, I sing for joy at the works of your hand!!" Psalm 92:4

David and Ashlynn are passionate about life and have been taking an active role in serving in the pro-life ministry since 2006.  God grew David and Ashlynn's passion for life after years of infertility and inability to have a biological child. With all thanksgiving to the Lord, David and Ashlynn are now parents to 3 children that were entrusted to them by women who chose life. Ashlynn and Dave work to support local pregnancy centers, while Ashlynn actively sidewalk counsels and is a volunteer for the Adoption Center of San Diego and leader with Cities4Life. Ashlynn's heart is to grow awareness of open adoption, educate on the different ministries within adoption a raise up our churches to support life and adoption. 

It's A Boy! Seriously!

Hi everybody! I feel like it's been forever since I've last written & since my baby shower post and since then...our world has been turned upside down!

Be warned: THIS IS A LONG POST!

On Tuesday morning I dragged myself into work, plopped down and begin answering emails. All of a sudden, I hear my phone vibrating! I answer to a happy voice on the other end saying that she was calling from the adoption network & she had a situation for us. Oh my gosh! The moment we'd all been waiting for! I was instantly wide awake (no caffeine needed!) and grabbed a pen and paper to jot down the details to share with Matthew later that day on his lunch break. She starts in about the background of the birth mother and her prenatal care and then continues on to say that not only are we the ones for her...but she is in labor! In Florida! Oh my word! I will spare you all of the details, but we booked our flights for the next morning at 6am and both ran home to pack!

My sister and I cleaned, did six loads of laundry, packed our bags and arranged details. And I mostly mean that my sister did all of that while I wandered around in a daze! We spent the rest of the night chowing down on pizza with friends and waiting for updates from the social worker on how "T" the birthmom is doing! Every update we recieved we all rejoiced! We were waiting to hear how she was doing, if the baby was born & if it was a boy or girl....Well, 12:50 AM, "T" gave birth to a 6lb 10oz baby BOY!!! Both mommy & baby were doing just fine.

So the next morning, Matthew and I board a plane to Memphis & from Memphis to Florida, grab a rental car (thank you Auntie Judy @ Avis for blessing us with your love for our adoption story hooking us up with an awesome car!), get totally lost on the way to the hospital & finally arrive! By the time we walk into "T's" room, it's 7PM and we are exhausted. But, we walk in and she sees us & a huge smile lights up her face! She welcomed us in with big hugs and showing off the baby boy she so obviously loves so much. We were in love. With her. With the baby. And while Matthew quietly stared at the baby, "T" and I get to talking. We could not be more happy and proud of her. She is beautiful with a beautiful heart & huge dreams for her life which she is well on her way to achieving! We say goodnight a few hours later and head over to our hotel. (Thank you to all four grandparents for blessing us with a beautiful hotel room for our trip!).

We arrive at the hospital the next day just in time to visit with"T" one last time before she signs papers with the lawyer & is discharged from the hospital. I cried. She didn't. She's far more brave than I am. But, I know her heart was breaking & I cried for her. Nine months of carrying that precious miracle and she leaves with empty arms. But before they wheeled her out of the hospital she gave me a tight hug while tears ran down my face & we promised to keep in touch.

Matthew & I spent the rest of that night hanging out in the nursery with our baby boy that we named John, after Matt's dad & best friend who passed away a few years ago. John's middle name is his birthfather's name & we are proud that John will carry that with him forever. Hours later we go back to the hotel to get a few hours of sleep & prepare for...well...the rest of our lives! We arrive back at the hospital on Friday morning, August 17th, get to know a special nurse (who I never did get the name of) and John a little bit better. The lawyer comes, we sign our papers & legally become mommy & daddy to baby John! We walked out of that hospital the proud parents of our little (as my sister has affectionately named him:) chocolate muffin. (Thank you to the nurse, whose name I don't know but whose face I will never forget for loving on John so much and for loving on us! We were blessed by you sending us back to the hotel with BAGS of formula & diapers and all the hugs you gave us on our way out.)

It's now Saturday afternoon here in HUMID Florida. Matthew and I are SO exhausted & SO in love. I was holding John in my arms earlier, and the song "Make You Feel My Love" by Adele came on the radio & I began to bawl. It finally hit me...that little muffin in my arms is my boy. The boy I have been praying for every day. I would do anything for him & I tear up at the thought of anybody ever hurting him. I had the chance to whisper to him while giving him his bottle about how much "T" loves him and all about her. I will do that often & he will know that he is loved by both of us. I spoke with her today, too & she is well. Getting lots of rest & thinking about us often. She thanked us for taking her boy but really, we are the thankful ones. She so selflessly thought of John first and trusted us with his life. We treasure that and her & her son. My son.

Thank you Jesus for your PERFECT timing, for all the blessings on this trip & he obvious way you've been working in our lives these past few days. We are in awe.

We're Pleased To Introduce You to John O'Brien

Becky's Story

Of every post I have put up on the blog, even the ones admitting mistakes or heartache, this post is most definitely the hardest because it's not really my story to tell.  This is the story of a thirteen year old girl who became pregnant, chose life & made an adoption plan for her son.

First, let me begin about how this testimony fell into my hands.  When Matt and I attended the adoption seminar back in February, we heard from a number of different men and women and their roles in the adoption process.  But, by far, the one that had the biggest impact on my heart, was that of a young woman, Becky, who shares what it's like to be on the other side of the adoption process: The side of the girl who places her baby for adoption.  The term for this girl is birth mother.

As Becky began to share her story Matthew & I sat there in awe and I, of course, sit there thinking to myself  "I need to talk to her!  I need her to blog about this!" (I know, I"m such a weirdo).  So, the day goes on, other speakers share, & we are eventually dismissed.  Matt excuses himself to use the restroom, and I linger in the fellowship hall awkwardly stalking Becky, waiting for my chance to speak with her.  After she spoke with a few other people, I made a beeline to her and introduced myself ...One thing leads to another, and two hours later we finally stop talking and say goodbye!  Anyway, a few weeks ago, I found her testimony sitting in my inbox with a note from Becky saying to use it as the Lord leads...So that is what is about to happen.

This is Becky's Story
(Warning: You may want to grab a few tissues)

In January of 1998 in the middle of my 7^th grade year, I met a cute high school boy.  He secretly became my boyfriend.  I would lie to my parents about my whereabouts and go sneak off to be with him.  Only after two and half weeks of him being my boyfriend, I blew it, and we had sex. 

Eight weeks later I found myself at the doctor’s office.  While my mom was forced to sit out in the lobby, I was told by the doctor that I was 8 weeks pregnant.  The doctor told me not to worry, I didn’t have to tell my mom and that she could terminate the pregnancy.  “After all it was only an embryo,” she told me.  I knew better even at my young age that “terminating” meant to murder my baby.  I did the only thing I could and told my mom and dad the news.  As heartbroken and as devastating as it was for my precious parents to be faced with the fact that their 13 year old baby was pregnant, they forgave me and went above and beyond that.   They became my support system, my comfort, and my encouragement.   

20 Weeks Pregnant

For the first five months of pregnancy I was determined to raise the baby, but thankfully my dad forced the church and its counsel on me.  He wanted me to be fully aware of both my options.  Not that my parents didn’t want the baby or wouldn’t help to raise the baby, but I think my parents knew God’s will before I did.  My dad found out about this place called House of Ruth which was located at Calvary Chapel of Downey.  Even though I didn’t agree with my dad forcing this place on me in the beginning, I am so thankful he did.  I met with K and had a few counseling appointments with her before my change of heart.  The Lord really used her and her testimony to encourage me.  House of Ruth helped me to realize that I had two options.  K and House of Ruth were very informative about the effects these choices would have in my life.  They didn’t force adoption on me as that was the only way to go, but they were very detailed on open adoption and how that works.  The only thing House of Ruth reinforced was that whatever choice I made should be what the Lord wants.  Option one was to raise the baby while my mom and dad were still trying to raise me and option two was to place the baby up for adoption in a loving Christian home. 

Jesus made it clear through many things (books, House of Ruth, and family members) that I was to place my baby up for adoption.  I started the process right away, chose to go with an open adoption and went to go pick out the parents of my baby.  Again, God spoke on who I was to pick and I listened.  There were so many files to look through and thanks to God, it took less than one hour for me to fall in love with one couple in particular.  That week my parents and I drove to their beautiful neighborhood and home in Newport Beach, CA.  We all met for the first time, it was so bitter sweet.  I just knew they were God’s chosen parents for my baby as did they.  The adoptive mom was there for me throughout the remainder of my pregnancy.  She listened to my heartache, took me out to lunch and prayed with me over the next three and half months.  She totally allowed the Lord to use her and help with the peace I had been given by God about my decision.

On November 3, 1998, my precious little son, Nathaniel, was born.  My mom, my dad, and my son’s adoptive mom were present during his birth.  I had 48 hours in that hospital with my baby and to prepare for the hand over.  

Nathaniel

On November 5, 1998, the adoptive parents arrived at the hospital to take home their new son.  They were so caring and compassionate.  The adoptive mom even cried with me.  It was as though she felt like she was stealing my baby.  She showed me so much love that day.  When it was time to hand over my little baby boy to his new mommy, I was so heartbroken, scared, and my tears just wouldn’t stop.  My arms were so weak, but in that, Jesus took over and gave me all the strength I needed.  I placed him in her arms and even in that deep state of heart wrenching pain, there was such a peace that filled that hospital room.

Nathaniel.  Age 13.

My son is now 13 years old.  His parents have sent me pictures, notes, and thoughtful cards over the years.  They have let me see him on occasion and have always made me feel very welcomed to call them and catch up.  To this day, they still tell me just how grateful they are that I obeyed the Lord and gave them their son.  One of the many ways they still continue to bless me is on days like Mother’s Day, his birthday, or the hand over day, they always acknowledge the day by sending me a sweet note or card and beautiful pictures of our son.

Not one day has passed since he was born that I don't think of him and pray for him.  There are some hard days, but most are joyful.  I have never regretted the decision I made in choosing adoption.  From the time I was just a little girl, God was preparing me for this.  This was His perfect will for the situation I had to face and He has given me true peace just as He promised.   

John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you.  Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”

Now I’m 27 and the Lord has done (and still is doing) amazing things in my life.  I’ve finally fallen in love with my Maker, Jesus Christ.  After my son was born, I went on to rebel like I thought was normal coming from a teen girl.  But at 17 I finally realized that I NEEDED Jesus.  I started attending Church at Calvary Downey along with the young adults group, where I met my husband.  I have been married for almost 10 years. 

The Lord has blessed me with 4 children of my own now, two daughters, ages 9 and 8 and two sons, ages 7 and 5.  I am a very blessed woman and I thank God for His grace and the gifts He has given me.

Becky with her husband and 4 children

Becky and her 4 sweet babies.

1 Samuel 1:27-28 “For this child I prayed and the Lord has granted me my petition which I asked of Him.  Therefore I also have lent him to the Lord; as long as he lives he shall be lent to the Lord.  So they worshipped the Lord there.”

{{Becky, I love you for sharing your story.  I respect you for choosing life & I admire you for the Godly woman you are.  I am so glad we met, and I am so blessed that you are my friend. -Ashley}}