Foster Care Facts

 
In just three days we really dive into the foster care process!  We started the process when we went to the orientation & we LOVED the trainer & their hearts for these children here in Clark County.  We filled out a bit of paperwork while at orientation & then waited for their call to say that we have been pre-approved to move forward.  Once we received our pre-approval we went back to the social services office & were fingerprinted for background checks.  Then we waited some more.  Once our background checks came back & we were cleared  we signed up for a 10-week training process.  That was about a month ago and our class will finally begin this Tuesday!  Over the next ten weeks we will fill out gobs and gobs of paperwork.  We will have doctors visits & more fingerprinting.  We will have a visit from a social worker at our home where she will check every single nook and cranny.  And I am sure we will have a lot of adjustments to make.  Everything from water temperature, where we keep our steak knives & cleaning supplies, how our doors lock to where we keep our Tylenol & cough medicine will be checked.  Are our plugs covered?  Our oven have a safety latch?  They will literally check EVERYTHING.

Once the ten week course is over, we will have (hopefully only) one more home study visit from the social worker to make sure any changes that needed to be made have been done.  Then we wait for all the paperwork to be finished & submitted.  Then we wait for a placement. 

There is nothing we can say for certain about who we are welcoming in to our home.  We are open to a child, boy or girl, between the ages of 0-5.  We are also open to a sibling group of two.  So, we may have two brothers.  Or two sisters.  Or one of each.  One may be a newborn and one may be a kindergartner.  There are endless possibilities of who they may place us with.  They may give us a lot of notice & pre-placement visits or we may accept a placement and have a child home with us within hours.

There is also no guarantee that any child or children in our home will become an O'Brien.  Although our ultimate goal is adoption, there are always circumstances when a child is allowed to return home.  Of course, we want these children to be home with their first families.  But, if that's not the case, we hope to become their family.  We know, especially for our immediate families, that they did not sign up to be foster families.  They don't want their hearts broken if they have to say goodbye.  Neither do we.  We never want to say goodbye to a child we've allowed to fill up our hearts and home.  But it's a risk we are willing to take.  These children need love and we have so much to give. 

The next thing I know you may be asking is why are you fundraising?  Well, honestly, because we are still working on paying off our first adoption fees!  And also, because yes, foster care is incredibly inexpensive in comparison to domestic or international adoption, it does not come without  its cost.  Since we are open to two children we will need TWO more cribs.  By law, we will also need two dressers.  We will be expected to have toiletries and clothes and shoes for each age & gender.  We will need to make sure each bed has it's own set of sheets & blankets.  We will need to have enough sippy cups & bottles & utensils & plates.  We need car seats for all ages and not to mention, we will have to invest in certain safety measures for our home.  Some safety supplies are relatively cheap.  Think, plug covers.  Others can get expensive.  For example, tot locks.  Either way, the costs will add up!  And again, we will need enough of all these things for two more children.  Even if we only get one child, we need to be prepared in every way for two!  

Other than that, there is not much I can say about the process.  I know we may not share a lot about it in the future due to the sensitivity of the topic.  But, we want to keep you in the loop.  With being so far away from our family & friends this seems like the best way to go!  Soooo...here is to a very interesting ten weeks & praying for more babies by Christmas!!!

Running Through Concrete

Hello there!  My beautiful friend, Kate, and I have been keeping a secret for awhile now...and we were teasing everybody with hints and finally revealed what we were up to a few days later on Instagram.  I thought I'd repost what Kate had to say about what we are up to.  If you'd like to see the original GO HERE.  Also.  Make sure to follow her blog because she is an amazing writer.

From Kate:
 My sweet friend Ashley and I have a secret! If you follow us on Instagram, we have been teasing you with hints this week but don’t worry – here comes the reveal! Well, after this brief message…

Do you ever have those days when every.single.person within your circle is speaking huge affirmations into your life without having a clue that they are doing it? I’m having that day! I’m loving this day!

This morning, a sweet friend shared her heart online regarding adoption and fundraising. Courtney is an adoption consultant and one of my favorite people. She always brings such a beautiful perspective to the conversations around fundraising and I know that if you follow her on Instagram (@thelottofus), you are daily blessed by this incredible woman.

Today, just hours before the BIG REVEAL she shared a quote by Eric Ludy…

“I will claw my way through concrete to get to my child.”

Welcome to the claw, dear friends. Are you ready for this reveal? We are! Ashley and I have prayed our guts out this week in anticipation of the way God will move in the days to come. Here goes nothing…
We are two mommas with hearts for adoption. But guys, we aren’t loaded with bacon. We have modest incomes and debt related to preemie bills and previous adoption expenses. From where we stand, they look like big concrete walls, but we are prepared to claw through them because we know who waits on the other side.

Though we are both adopting through foster care (which is much more affordable than private or international adoption) we aren’t without need. Ashley and her husband are starting to prepare and furnish her home for placements while making their way through training.

As many of you know, Mr. Sideburns and I are certified and have had one placement that is no longer with us. At current, we are a tribe of four.

But we have been keeping an extra secret…we are now open to siblings! Wide open, in fact. More on this later (yep, hints everywhere). So we need more beds, more clothing, more everything!

Here’s the thing – Ash and I are just like you. Normal, beautifully broken women with faith that’s bigger than our britches. And God is going to use that. You just watch. It’s about to get crazy. So Ashley and I are being brave and asking you to refuse small love. We want you to partner with our families on this crazy adventure. It’s time for the big daddy marathon Refuse Small Love Fundraiser!

Here are the details:

1. We have been working with the very best creatives to collect beautiful donations for an Insta Auction on Instagram. If you don’t follow us on Instagram, please do. Ashley: @mrsashleyobrien Kate: @katerallis
Please also follow our fundraiser account: @RSLFUNDRAISER

The response from vendors, shops and creative friends has been so touching and we are drooling over all of the pretties! Our Insta Auction will take place on July 7th, but we will be posting pictures of product on IG as we get them so that you have plenty of time to browse and budget.

2. Speaking of budgets, we know first-hand the conflict to desire to buy pretty things to support other adoptions but having a lack of free finances to do so. And we know we aren’t alone. So for the budget babes (and dudes), we will be having a pretty print sale. We will have both digital and hard copy prints available for purchase on our IG at low prices. Please stay tuned for the date of this sale.

3. Whooooo has two thumbs and loves a good t-shirt fundraiser?! We do! Through Bonfire Funds, we will have Refuse Small Love t-shirts available to purchase. We are working on creating those now and will have a purchase link set up very soon.

4. For the grand finale, we have been so blessed with the opportunity to partner with my twin, Kate, at The Adopt Shoppe. She has generously offered to help us in our fundraising efforts and we will have FORTY of her necklaces for sale! Everybody freak out!!! We will also be giving away two necklaces to a couple of lucky ladies (all the more reason to jump on the Instagram bandwagon!). Yippee!!

But wait, there’s more! A few months ago, you might recall that Kate was inspired by my commitment to refuse small love and she created a beautiful necklace to honor that phrase. Not so coincidently (but much to her surprise), the necklace looks exactly like my tattoo. Isn’t God awesome?! The best news is that the RSL necklace will be included in the auction!

You might be scratching your heads, wondering why two foster families need to do four big fundraisers. Well silly, did you really think we are out of surprises?

Here’s the deal – Ashley and I are not the only mommas who face concrete walls. We see you. We even stalk you. We are learning your stories and our hearts are for so much more than this. Our God is so much bigger than debt, loss, grief and empty wombs. He calls us to refuse small love and we cannot imagine doing anything else but that.

We are paying it forward. We want to bless one of you – your family – with finances. If you need a new car for all of the tiny humans you are fostering, we want to help! If you need bunk beds, we’re in! Got a leaky roof and can’t get certified to foster until it’s fixed? We’ve got your back. Are you a few pay checks shy of becoming a full-time stay home parent to your adopted kiddos? Oh guuuuurl, we know and we got this.

We are so excited to bless another family. We have a secret agent keeping her eye on each of you while we hustle on the fundraising end and when the dust settles, we will meet with her to choose a family. If we could help everybody, we would. And you better believe we are already scheming, brainstorming and planning ways to do more and reach more.

We are determined to claw through concrete for our children and for yours.

As a small gesture of gratitude for partnering with us and praying for us, we have made our Refuse Small Love print available for download for free. We hope that when you see it hanging in your home or in your cubicle, you will be reminded to run hard into the crazy, to love like Jesus does and to claw through concrete no matter the cost.

We can’t wait to see what God does over these next few weeks! Buckle up ladies…it’s going to be fun!

(Check out Kate's original post for the free download!)

Fundraising for Tiny O'Briens Arrival

Ya'll I wanted to talk a little about fundraising here.  So, first, let me just say that I am all for it!  It is so much fun to watch a family be blessed with funds necessary to afford adoption.  To give even $1 and know that you are forever a part of that baby's story on their journey home is a blessing!  It is amazing to watch a family raise funds for medical bills.  Or for a business start up.  But the problem is, it seems that everybody is asking for something these days.

Everybody has a kickstarter. Or a paypal button.  Everybody has a GoFundMe account.  Everybody is asking for donations, items for an auction, or a shout out for their cause.  Despite the amount of social media outlets bombarding you with requests it is also an amazing way to connect.  Give.  Receive and to love on others.    So, it's a humbling decision for Matthew & I to know that we need to rejoin the fundraisers & ask for help.  But that's what we decided & that's what we are going to do.  So let me share a bit about why and how this is gonna look.

When we started the adoption process for John, it was quick.  From the moment we signed up with the agency to the day we got the call that we were matched with a birth mom in labor, the total wait was just shy of four weeks.  It was an insane roller coaster and it happened so fast!  We were so incredibly blessed by friends & family who gave so much but in the grand scheme of things a dent was barely made in fees owed.  And, like a beautiful friend of mine said, just because you bring a baby home doesn't mean the fees disappear.  Matthew has worked SO hard to provide for our family and we don't want for much....although a cruise would be nice.  I'm thinking Hawaii?  Anyway....we still have so long to go before all adoption fees have been paid off & at times it can be a burden on our finances.  We knew we wanted to adopt again and we know that foster care is right for us this time.  The cost is relatively inexpensive, but some money does need to be put into safe guarding our home to meet Nevada homestudy requirements as well as a few minimal costs for fingerprinting, etc.  We also know that a social worker is going to look at our finances and judge us accordingly.  On top of that, when we do have the incredible privilege of welcoming the newest Tiny O'Brien, the last thing we want to do is crunch numbers and adjust finances.  We want to spend all of our time and energy into learning to be a family of four!!!!

Phew!

With all that said, we need your help.  We don't feel it's necessary to need to pay off all of our adoption debt but we have prayed about it and feel that paying off $8,000 would get us back on our feet, stress free, with a safe guarded home, the entire Florida agency payment paid, & the small costs needed to be foster care approved.  This time around we are going to do things a little differently.  Yes, you may give a straight donation, but we also want to GIVE YOU something in return.  An amazingly talented friend has made a beautiful print in a PDF form that you will be able to buy, we have t-shirts ready to go that are soft & comfy with great colors, and some delicious treats that will be sold by an amazing bakery.  I am so excited to start & like I mentioned above, watch the Lord work & provide.  He is so good & faithful.  We know that He has guided us to this adventure and we know that He will see us through with everything we need!  Stay tuned because the prints & tees sale will be launching VERY SOON!

It's Time for the Little O'Brien Family to Grow!

Let's cut straight to the chase here, shall we???  I have been ready to start the adoption process for Baby #2 for awhile now.  Matthew was a bit slower to be ready to do this all over again but we're officially on the same page and WE ARE READY!  But, I usually don't talk so openly about our finances on the great internets world but ya'll...Matthew and I checked his wallet & it is NOT READY to start adopting again!

We rent a nice apartment, we never go hungry.  I get to buy the makeup I like, Matthew splurges every now & then at work for a hot coffee & John often finds himself in the dollar section at Target picking out a new hunk of junk toy with every visit.  So yes, we can afford our necessities & even splurge on Panda Express every so often, but we are still paying off adoption fees from John & my goodness it's a never ending pile of bills! To adopt again?  Matthew's wallet cowered in fear as we discussed options, payment plans, loans, credit cards.  So, with that...we dropped the subject.  We want to giver our son & future child(ren) the best, happiest & most stable home, financially, and in every other way possible as well.  Matthew has been working a ton of overtime, I've been trying to budget much better, use less gas, less air conditioner, and oddly, I've been content to wait on the Lord & His timing.  But, God stirred my heart.  In a big way.  I felt called to pray for our next adoption.  God asked me to pray.  I don't know why since we decided to put it on the back burner.

I told Matthew this.  He thought it was crazy but couldn't deny that if God is asking then I should answer & need to continue to pray.  Days go by, more crazy things happen & what we never thought we'd ever do we decided to pursue.  It's something that has not been on our radar.  Matthew has been very clear about wanting to adopt domestically & I've been happy to agree to his final decision.  But, like I said, when God asks you to do something then you should answer.  So, with that said, we answered God's calling & the little O'Brien  family is going  to start the process to fost-adopt!  We will be attending our first orientation meeting with Clark County services here in Nevada in June & will proceed from there!  I know this is from God because I am crazy scared!  I love me a good adventure but this one seems so GOD-sized that I find myself intimidated & a bit unsure!

How will this affect our family?  Matthew's work?  My amazingly awesome average mothering skills?  My little boy, the only child...how will this affect him?  And how in the world will we be able to provide a stable home with our adoption debt?  Wel, ya'll...the answer to that is simple. Matthew is going to continue with overtime, I will continue being vigilant in budgeting & we are going to fund raise!  We'd like to be able to pay off a big chunk of our current adoption fees, have some money ready for very minimal payments that foster care certification requires (finger prints, Nevada drivers licenses & plates), and to be able to provide for our newest member without adding on any stress.  We want to put all of our energy into welcoming a child(ren) into our home without spending time gawking over budgets and finances!

This time around, fundraising is going to be very different!  We will be doing a few BIG things, rather than a ton of small things.  If you'd like to partner with us & help us raise funds, you can email me at AshleyOBrien129@yahoo.com.  If you'd like to donate you can click the Donate button below & if you'd like to pray, we ask that you pray for the process to be a smooth one, that our home would be ready, our hearts be ready, John & our dog Mo, be ready.  And most of all, our future son and/or daughter to be safe, healthy & loved in spite of their status as wards of the state.  We pray that God keep their little love tanks filled with His love and peace.

Oh, and if you are asking yourself "why are you sharing so soon?"  Well, the answer is this.  We did the same with John's adoption.  The moment we knew we were ready & that was what we were going to pursue, we shared because we were excited but more importantly because we recognize the importance of community & prayer!  We cannot do this without you on our side! Your love, prayers & encouragement are what will bring our newest little one home!

So, here's to new adventures!!!

 

Big News!

Ya'll. John and I have had a super fun week.  It's been a blast to see how The Lord has blessed us and given us ways to share in His glory.  And to be honest, our fun news were not things we had on our radar.

So, shall I get to sharing???

I'll start with John's news!  As some of you may know, I've really started to enjoy Instagram and love finding amazing shops, buying from these small businesses and I extra special love shopping from mom-prenuers.  It's a privelege to support these women and their shops.  There has been one shop in particular I've been following for awhile.  The shop is Weestructed and the beautiful mama behind it is Sarah.  Her stuff is all kinds of awesome.  Well, she reached out to me and asked if John John would want to be her very first official brand rep!  For those of you who don't know what that means, essentially John is her very own tiny model for her Weestructed clothing line.  Of course, John had his demands.  Such as payment by yogurt bites, but other than that, I couldn't wait to say YES to this exciting opportunity!  It is a blessing for us to represent a clothing line we believe in and we hope we do it well!  Also, to kick off John's new career as little brand rep, Sarah is offering one of my readers a $25 store credit!  I will be hosting this giveaway on my Instagram starting later on this week so make sure you are following for your chance to win!!!! 

Bummys.  Warrior Band  & Bullying is Junk-Giveback tee from WeeStructed!

As for my news!  Well, this Saturday is my very first adoption conference!  It's called Choose Joy and is for all those women (and men) dealing with infertility and adoption!

 It's quite amazing and some 150 people will be in attendance for this one day conference in So Cal!  There are going to be breakout sessions, worship, prayer and dinner.  (Yep.  I'm already excited about eating.  I have issues)  Anyway, the woman behind this conference is Emmy.  Her family recently said goodbye to a very important family member but she was unable to attend services because of Choose Joy.  Well for whatever reason I felt this huge compelling need to write my testimony out the other night.  I like to call this huge compelling need the Holy Spirit.  And after seeing Emmy's sacrifice, I had another huge and compelling need to share it with her.  I wanted Emmy to see exactly why she was putting on this conference and how this was going to be so wonderful for women like me.  I hoped it would encourage her and show her what a blessing she was.  I received an email in response pretty quickly after I hit "send" and it was Emmy asking me to share my story with the rest of the attendees at the conference on Saturday!  I then likened the Holy Spirit to a herd of elephants stomping all over my stomach and knew that meant I had to accept this opportunity.  And so I did.  On Saturday, after Emmy welcomes us all in...I will be the first speaker.  Sharing information I have never shared before, letting 150 people in on my past, my journey, my struggles, and my how I overcame it all thanks only to The Lord.  So, if you think about it.  Please pray.  I hate being the center of attention like this, which is odd, considering I'm an extrovert, but to God be the glory in all of this!

Oh, and I almost forgot!  Matt had a big week, too!  He got a new video game!  Haha!  I love how I rock the boat and Matthew stabilizes it.  His strong, stable and calm presence is such a blessing to our home.  With one wild dog, a crazy-hyper toddler, and me filled with rollercoasters of emotions and an incessant need to be busy, he is so necessary.  I love you, Matthew.  The brake to my gas pedal.  The calm to my storm.  

 So, here's to exciting adventures for the O'Brien family!!!

I Think John Would Make an Awesome Big Brother

For a few weeks I've had this tiny little thought bouncing around in my brain.  It would interrupt me while I was playing with John & nag me to talk about it while I was hanging with Matthew.  Like an itch that just wouldn't go away it kept irritating me until I could hold it in no longer.  The other day, I announced to Matthew I'm ready to adopt Baby O'Brien #2!  (He passed out, of course.  But after he came back to, we discussed it & agreed to truly begin seeking the Lord & His will on this topic.)

But, Uh, come again?  Ashley did you just say that you are ready to adopt again?  Didn't you just move out of state?  Didn't John only now get his own room?  Don't you want to be more financially stable?  Well, I'm glad that you asked that.  The answers are yes, yes & yes. I recognize this itchy little thought as the same on that plagued my mind right before we began the adoption process for John,  but I am also no dummy to reality.  This time around, we already have one child and we are no longer unfamiliar with the fees, cost, time & did I say FEES that come along with adoption.  We were hit with so many small fees here & there that we were for the  most part unprepared for, we do not wanna do that again!  This time we are going to be as prepared as possible but still knowing that where God guides He provides!

So, where does this leave the Little O'Brien Family of three?  Well, the first item on our list to prepare for Baby #2 is to finish settling in to our new home!  We have car registration & drivers licenses, etc, to take care of, a church home to find & maybe it would help if I knew how to get anywhere around this town!  The second item is to enjoy every single second of John John!  He may be an only child for a lot longer or he may be a big brother before Matthew & I have planned...but for now?  It's all John!  All the time!  And finally, we must continue to be obedient to the Lord & work towards eliminating all debt.  This seems impossible.  In fact, I'm pretty sure it is.  At least if it were up to Matthew & I alone.  But we are not in this alone.  I truly believe that this feeling to begin the next adoption is a nudging from the Holy Spirit.  I don't believe that we are to activate our profiles & start the paperwork, but we do think that maybe we are to begin to prepare our hearts and home to give John and eventually a brother or sister the best life possible.  Filled with stability, love & JESUS.

So, I think from here on out...you will be hearing from me a lot more.  If I've learned anything from the last time we adopted it's that I'll have a ton of emotions to sort through and work out! =)

Flash backs from that time we flew to Florida & got to meet our son:

Just Love Giveaway!

Ya'll...I've been slacking on this post for awhile.  Everytime I sit down to write to you I blank.  I almost never find myself at a loss for words, rambling is what I'm good at.  But I've written and deleted this post a few times and I never feel like I have explained just how awesome Lisa and her family truly are and I'm afraid I won't do them justice.  So I've finally sat down...and just wrote!!!


This is my friend Lisa and her beautiful family.

 Yep, they're pretty much the cutest.  You can read about her at her blog Just Love:127.  But in a nutshell...that's her husband and those are their two beautiful children.  Both of them are adopted, just in case you're wondering.  But, their is one member of their family who is not pictured here.  His name is Myles and he is currently living in Ethiopia while he waits for his forever family to come and bring him home forever.  Yep!  Myles has already met his new mommy and daddy and the Maxfield family is waiting only to travel to Ethiopia and bring home their newest addition!  So, with all that said, they are busy waiting and busy raising the last of the funds needed to bring Myles home & I am asking you to be a part of their story!!!  You can do that a number of ways.  Obviously, PRAY.  God can move mountains, do the impossible & plant money trees in their backyard to help pay for this adoption.  If God does in fact, plant a money tree, I will make sure to not let you know since I will be busy flying myself to Lisa's house to steal said money tree.  Secondly, you can do some shopping at her Etsy shop!  There is nothing more fun than buying yourself (or a friend!) a little something special all the while knowing you are changing the world!  Not to mention, she is having a sale!  So, shop, save money, change the world.  Amazing, right?  If you use the code GETHOME at checkout you will save 25%!!! 

And lastly, you can donate!  Lisa and I have teamed up and are giving you the chance to win two awesome items!  You can win this necklace straight from Lisa's shop

and you can win this breezy Ikat scarf from the Noonday collection!

 

Enter below!!!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

The Wait

This time last year Martthew and I were busy waiting. We were officially waiting to be matched with a child via domestic adoption. We had just been blessed by some of the most beautiful women I've ever met with an adoption baby shower. We had clothes, toys, books, bassinet, diapers...we had everything we needed except for the baby. 

And we had no guarantee that we would ever have a baby. We were busy waiting for a child that may never come. 

This time last year my heart was constantly a flutter every time my phone rang. Maybe it was finally the call saying we've been matched!?  Tears were never far from my eyes as I let the enemy sneak in and prowl on my tender heart. I was trying to stay busy and enjoy every moment of my life but something was missing and that was our child

Matthew on the other hand was the perfect picture of composure. He was certain that all in The Lord's timing we'd bring a little one home and he was happy to wait on The Lord. Looking back, I remember being so irritated by his patience but I see now that I should have followed in his footsteps and been more graceful, patient, and kind. 

This time last year my arms ached from emptiness and now they ache from being so full with a 20lb little guy who is my son

I can tell you from experience there is nothing harder than the wait. There are few who will understand how slow time can pass when your waiting for the call. If you're waiting my heart and prayers are with you. I pray you are filled with patience and hope and peace. I pray your days are busy and your nights are restful. I pray that your match or your referral are coming soon and I pray that you don't treat the wait as a time of torture but as a time of blessings. I grew so much in The Lord as I cried out to Him on a daily basis. My heart belongs to Him in a way it hadn't before.

And now, if you'll excuse me there is a tiny boy who needs me. He has dirt under his finger nails and knots in his hair. He has a smile that can melt your heart and the best laugh ever. He is sweet but hates being told no. That's my son. The one I swore we would never be given. God gave us a child...and I am forever grateful for this gift.

This Time Last Year

As I'm busy planning John's first birthday party I couldn't help but think about where we were last year in our adoption process...I couldn't actually recall many details except that we were in the "waiting" stages...but luckily for me, I have this blog to look back on and see right where we were!   So, this time last year...

As Matthew and I were waiting for John John to arrive I set a few goals for myself: Waiting On The Babyand FYI, the only goal I accomplished was to re-watch the entire series of The Office.  In fact, I took that goal so seriously, I watched and re-watched it a few times since I've made this list.  What can I say?  I'm a sucker for hilarious office humor.

I was also very impatient & having a hard time wrapping my head around the unknown.  I'm a bit of a control freak.  I was "thankfulish"

We took some "maternity" photos to kill some time ....they turned out wonderfully and we started the process to adopt a boy due in October.  This was our first and only failed match. You can read our "Updates & Photos" adventure here.

Anyway...You can read on by going to my archive on the left side of the page in the month of June 2012.  I hope as you see my struggle through this you know that the Lord was glorified.  As I worried, waited, paced, doubted & cried my way through the adoption process (I was also joyful, FYI, but amidst the joy I struggled) the Lord was at work on every single tiny detail of our adoption of John John.  And, furthermore, as we battle some small legal  issues in our adoption now that have me waiting, worrying, pacing, doubting and crying...It's amazing to look back at see proof that it is all in vain.  There is nothing  too big for the Lord & He is in control.

Oh yah, and this is post number 200!  I can't believe I have actually stuck to this blogging thing for 200 posts...but unfortunately for you, I think I'm gonna stick it out just a little while longer! ;)


 

He Would Have Framed This Picture for His Kingdom [A Guest Post!]

Today, I bring you a guest post from a beautiful woman & new friend, Ashlyn!  Check out her blog here & the work that she does for the Kingdom of Christ!  It is beautiful & babies are born because she is brave enough to go out on the front lines & fight for them.  Anyway, enough of my rambling...This is a post that Ashlyn has written about saying goodbye to her daughter's birthmother at the hospital...

A Picture of Adoption

I have this picture in my head that I often wish I really had a picture to share. It is truly one of the most precious moments of my life.

After about 4 days in the hospital with "L" and Charlie, we were getting to take our little girl home. The hospital room was me, Dave, Charlie, "L" and "C" (Charlie's birth mother and grandmother). We chatted throughout the flower filled room, but their was a quietness of what was to come. "L" would crack jokes and we would laugh all to help lessen the pain. A mother was about to say good-bye to her daughter and we knew we were about to be a part of it. We had a sense of relief to finally get to go home and enjoy our new baby, but we had to be in the moment and give everything we had to "L". She deserved every second and we wanted to soak it all in.

Finally the nurses came in, trying to be sympathetic to the situation but having no idea what to say or how to facilitate who was leaving in what car and who was taking the baby. I can't imagine their job or what they felt that day. I often wonder what their perception was of the whole situation, but I hope we glorified God and they got a glimpse of His beautiful love story.

We all agreed that we should go down together, we are forever united by one little girl. Dave and "C" decided to go down and pull both cars to the front of the hospital. When they walked back up together, "L" was put into a wheelchair. We all grabbed some flowers, but the nurse held Charlie and wasn't sure who to give her to. We had "L" hold her as she was wheeled down, Dave walking along side her. I stayed a few steps back while sharing with "C" that I admired her and her daughter and no words could ever thank them enough. I tried to tell her everything I could within the walk to the car. I wanted to tell her everything but knowing no matter what I said, couldn't take the pain of good-bye away and that she was about to go home and comfort her daughter. We finally arrived to the car and all I could think was, it is finished.

We strapped Charlie in to her car seat, both women kissed and loved on her for a lifetime. When "L" backed out of the car I looked at her and my heart wept for her. I held her like I have never held anyone else. This picture is entrenched in my brain. Their was a crowd near by that was watching and trying to examine the situation. A nurse stood quietly to the side trying to hide her tears. This moment was purely a God give moment. I truly felt as if heaven was rejoicing over "L" and celebrated her for her selfless heart. That our world would never be the same because of her sacrifices. I know it is silly, but I always thought if God had a camera, he would have framed this picture for His kingdom.

As we all drove away in separate cars I knew that love would bring us back.

We are now getting ready to celebrate Charlie's first birthday in a few days. In a few days, both "C" and "L" will come and share a few hours with us and celebrate Charlie turning 1. And not just celebrate Charlie, but that our lives are all better for the events that took place a year ago. We have a bond that streghthens each of us and are walk with the Lord. When I think of Charlie and her adoption story my heart sings the praise, "O Lord, I sing for joy at the works of your hand!!" Psalm 92:4

David and Ashlynn are passionate about life and have been taking an active role in serving in the pro-life ministry since 2006.  God grew David and Ashlynn's passion for life after years of infertility and inability to have a biological child. With all thanksgiving to the Lord, David and Ashlynn are now parents to 3 children that were entrusted to them by women who chose life. Ashlynn and Dave work to support local pregnancy centers, while Ashlynn actively sidewalk counsels and is a volunteer for the Adoption Center of San Diego and leader with Cities4Life. Ashlynn's heart is to grow awareness of open adoption, educate on the different ministries within adoption a raise up our churches to support life and adoption. 

Waiting for Glory [A Guest Post]

I'm honored and excited to share here while Ashley is away! I

 pray our story would point you to the One who is writing it for us!

We covet your prayers for our little one in Africa and our journey!

Ashley asked me to share our adoption adventures and, being that we started the adoption process 50 months ago, (You read that correctly: FIVE-ZERO. #longestgestationperiodever) I'm going to spare you some of the details so that a.) this post is not 5,000 words long and b.) so we can focus on where God has us NOW and share some specific prayer requests with you.

William and I got married about seven years ago. When we got engaged neither of us wanted to have kids. (This will be comical later on. Just wait for it.) We learned in pre-marital counseling having kids is biblical. Hmmm... So we decided to adopt. Getting pregnant kinda freaked me out (still does for the record) and there were "too many" kids out there already.  Seriously - that was our thinking.

Our son was born in 2008 (surprise!) and shortly after we began the process of adopting from Ethiopia. We were told "the process" would take about twelve months. About six months in we found out we were pregnant again. (Surprise!) And yes, we know how that happens.


 <Enter nine month adoption break.>


When our daughter was four weeks old we started the adoption process again. Shortly after William was diagnosed with stage three melanoma.


<Enter surgeries and cancer treatment and another nine month adoption break.>

In March 2011 William was given a clean bill of health. We let out a long sigh of relief... Ahhhh.

A few months later, Ethiopia deemed us unfit to parent. You can read about that here.

<Enter heartbreak.>

I wandered around the house in my pajamas all weekend. Thankfully, William remained steadfast and we pressed on. This time pursuing adoption from the Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC).

Less than a month later we were matched with an adorable five-ish year old little boy. We planned to name him Malachi but never got that chance. He went home to live with his uncle and there is now one less orphan in the world. For that, we are thankful.

We went back on the list to wait for another little boy. (Circa February 2012.)

While we waited, God brought two little boys from five blocks away to live us. One of them is named Malachi. God is funny like that isn't He? Malachi and his brother came to us through an amazing program designed to keep kids out of the foster care system - Safe Families for Children. (Please check it out. It is wonderful!)

We learned early on in our placement with the boys that they might not be leaving anytime soon. In fact, it became apparent they would likely be going into foster care. Since we were not certified foster parents, that would have meant them being pulled from our house and moved into another.

Becoming foster parents was not on our radar. It's not something we ever would have considered. But God knew that. He re-wrote our adoption story to include the American orphan. I thought orphans in the US were far better off than orphans in places like Africa and India. I WAS WRONG. God knew we needed to see it for ourselves, in our own living room. So we became foster parents.

Then, we were matched with a four-ish year old little boy in the DRC. We were told his name was John but found out a couple months later his name is actually Moise, or Moses, not John. Did I mention our bio sons name is Moses? (If you're keeping score that's two Malachi's and two Moses'.)

Last October Malachi and his brother were placed in the custody of the state and we officially became their foster parents! The system may be broken, but God is sovereign.

About this time our two year old daughter Meadow started praying every night for her baby sister. I promptly explained she did not have a baby sister. There are boys as far as we can see - no sister in sight.

But she persisted.

Every night for almost a week she wanted to pray for her baby sister.
Nothing we said could convince her otherwise. (Yes, we tried to talk our
kid out of praying for something. We made Jesus proud.) William
and I grew a little more freaked out each night and he made the next
available appointment for the big snip surgery. For real.

This went on and off for most of the next month.

Then last November we learned Moise would not be our Moise. We learned his mother is alive and well and had no idea he was being adopted or intention to place him up for adoption. We praise God every day for His hand over Moise and that he was re-united with his birth family before something tragic happened. And by tragic I mean coming to live with us when his family wants to care for him.

After we lost our referral for Moise, we decided to take a break from international adoption. We were tired. Three years and nine months is a L.O.N.G. time to be on the emotional roller coaster that is adoption and frankly, I wanted off. We prayed two sweet boys home and had two sweet boys in our home. Good enough, right?

Shortly after deciding we needed a break a few folks contacted me
suggesting certain agencies or waiting child lists. I kindly blew them
off.

All but one.

One email from a stranger included information about a waiting baby girl, and I almost hit delete, but then I saw her name. Glory.

Do you see that name up there? Dead center?

Glory is the name we had chosen for our next little girl.

Oh. S%*#.

I responded with my schpeel.  We have been in the process for almost four years, lost two referrals in 2012, we are tired, blah, blah, blah.  But. I. couldn't. get. Glory. out. of. my. mind.  I decided to do what is anti my personality. To not pursue her. Instead, I prayed. Specifically I prayed if Glory is ours, the nice stranger woman would email ME. Not the other way around.  I thought surely she would be gone. Who has healthy waiting baby girls? Surely someone would step forward for her, right?

Nine days later, the nice stranger woman sent me a message. Glory was still waiting.

I went to William, explained my prayer and that it had been answered. We decided to pray some more.  Pursuing Glory would mean starting over financially. From the beginning. The very beginning. Like $20,000 ago.  In order to get to the point of pursuing Glory, we would need $11,000 up front. So we prayed for God to give us a financial sign.  A few days later I sat down to add up our grants and savings. To our surprise it totaled $10,885. Pretty close to $11,000 right?  Then, as we were getting ready for bed I emptied my pockets to find two checks from friends who had come over that day to purchase some of our fundraising items.  The total including those checks?

$11,000.

So here we are. In God's story. Waiting for Glory while He shows us His. Never having dreamed we would be here. Knowing we would never have chosen here on our own but so thankful for where God has us.  I don't know your story, but I pray you find peace in knowing that He is not a part of your story but you are a part of His.

We would be so honored and humbled if you would add our sweet girl to your prayers. We are at a pivotal point and it seems as though the only shot we have at getting her home this year hinges on a few things listed below. Here are our current requests:


First, pray for favor with our USCIS officer. There are a lot of confusing details (aren't there always when dealing with USCIS?) but we are waiting for our I-600A approval - giving us approval to bring an orphan into the US. We NEED this approval ASAP.

Second, pray that the US Embassy would begin their investigation into Glory's orphan status when they travel to her city in June/July. AND that the investigation would go quickly and smoothly.

Third, pray her birth certificate would be issued and that we would pass court quickly. At this point she will legally be our child and she can move to a foster home in the capital city.

Fourth, please pray for her health. She is literally in one of the hardest countries in the world to be a little one.

William and Lindsy live in Kentucky with their four preschoolers where they are all anxiously awaiting the arrival of a toddler from Africa. She blogs about orphan care and Jesus at word from the wallaces.

Sweet Boy

John John

You are half a year old! Practically an old man already and I just wanted to write you a long winded and rambling letter about your first six months of life.

You were pretty grumpy in your first month. I think you were confused because you didn't recognize our voices...we weren't the voices you were used to while you were safe and warm in your birth momma's tummy. I chock it up to your observant (and nosey) demeanor. Slowly though, you figured out that we were yours and you started to smile and blossom. You have not stopped smiling since!

The next few months were a blur since they seemed to pass so quickly! You learned to laugh, and you love to laugh! Sometimes I hear you in your crib just cracking up! You learned to roll over but never do it because you'd rather be sitting up! You've been sitting up unsupported since 4 months! Whatta champ! I started feeding you rice cereal but you HATED it! So we moved on to veggies and you practically inhale them! You are not a picky eater at all and I love that! We are gonna have fun exploring new foods!

You're favorite people are Daddy and Gramma. You just light up when you hear their voices! You loooove it when Daddy makes you fly and tosses you around and you love when Gramma pretends to be surprised!

You love music and already have a little rhythm when you dance! You like loud toys...the louder the better...and you love to babble, yell and squeal! It is so funny to hear you "talk" and you are very expressive!

You stopped cuddling a few weeks ago and it makes me so sad, but on the other hand it makes me rest easier knowing you are a strong independent little boy. But, you do give me the best hugs. You wrap your arms around my neck and snuggle your head into my hair and squeeze me! But, that happens in a flash and you're done!

I am amazed at the transformation of you, John Ivory, in these past six months and I am anxiously awaiting your first tooth, crawling, your first word, and of course, walking! John John, Daddy and I are so proud to call you our son and I know that T is proud of you, too! We all love you so much it's overwhelming! Thank you for being a joyful little boy!

Being Mommy: Month Two

Exactly one month ago I sat here and reflected on being a mommy for one month. I foolishly assumed that month #2 would lack the surprise and intrigue I needed to truly reflect on the past 31 days. I was wrong. Here is what I have learned about being a mommy for TWO MONTHS:

1. It gets easier. The sleepless nights don't last forever, the crying is no longer cryptic and making a schedule doesn't seem like moving a mountain anymore.

2. The laundry will never end. I thought maybe with all our rookie parent mistakes we might have been going through laundry a bit faster than usual, but NOPE! Loads of laundry (pun intended) is the new norm.

3. The phrase "They grow up so fast!" Turns out that's the truth, too!

4. I am still getting to know my son, but everyday is amazing. Watching him learn and grow is the best and watching him light up when he sees me makes my heart skip a beat. I truly learned that a part of my heart that did not exist before John surely does now.

5. I have never loved watching anything as much as I love watching daddy and baby playing and talking and laughing.

6. I have also learned the total agape love my husband has for me. He is loving and selfless as he works hard so I can stay home with our little man and works so hard to continue to be a great husband and to be a great daddy.

7. John's hair will forever grow exponentially faster than the rest of him. He's the coolest guy ever.

8. People will offer advice, especially regarding adoption advice. Most of it is nonsense but we have learned to handle it graciously; always thanking the advisor for their encouragement and concern. This is also the best segway into having the opportunity to share with them what adoption is about.

Just Checking In

Hey there! it's been awhile since I've been writing I kinda miss signing online and blogging my day away...but alas, I no longer have that luxury.

I do have a lot to catch up on though and a lot to share! Like the fact that already I have been approached by people meaning all too well with unsolicited advice and opinions. Sometimes I'm amazed at the accuracy and sometimes I hope I can hold in my laughter until they are out of ear shot! But, I will save that for another day...right now I'm busy enjoying a quiet moment while the hubby is at the park playing b-ball, the dog has quit barking and the babe is sound asleep! Did I mention that I am showered (legs shaved, too!) the house is clean and the dishes are done!?

If only every night were so peaceful and I could feel like a boss for being a super mom! But that alter ego only comes around every so often and she just so happened to show up tonight!

So, for now, I leave you with some eye candy and a promise to fill you in on all the goings on in the little O'Brien family very soon! Plus, a sneak peek of our family photo session coming soon, too!

Some serious bed-head

Naked baby (there is a diaper under there...don't judge!).

Starting to smile and is it to die for, or what!?

Thankful for Red Thread Session!

Hi lovelies! I have some cool news to share with you today and I hope all of you adoptive mamas get to take advantage of this incredible blessing that I am so personally thankful for!

When Matthew and I first began to research adoption we kept coming across a website for a non-profit group called Red Thread Sessions.

I was so excited when I found out what their purpose was. They are a group of volunteer photographers from all over the United States who offer FREE photo sessions for adoptive families! They offer three choices of sessions- Airport arrival, Delivery and birth, or family session within three months of the placement.

Anywho, we obviously chose the final option and began to sift through photographers in the Southern California area...and of course, found an awesome photographer a city over from us! And guess what!  She rocks! We have yet to our photographer but her personality shines through in her emails and her photos are stunning!

Michelle from The Suitcase Studio will be blessing us with a 1-2 hour session, and 50 images. We are blown away by her generosity and excitement to do a Red Thread Session and I'm going to say that I imagine every photographer on the Red Thread website would be just as generous.

So unless you're a millionaire or have been saving up for adoption for like...well ever...chances are your adoption, wherever you are in the process, has you on a bit of a tight budget. We definitely didn't have the luxury of hiring a photographer for family snap shots but God has blessed us with a wonderful photographer who is gonna get the job done!

Please be a dear and like Red Thread on Facebook and The Suitcase Studio, too! People with hearts like these deserve our "likes" and better yet' our THANKS and love for what they do!

Being Mommy: Month One

I'm not sure if this is something I will do every month, but I'd like to celebrate John being a month old in just a few days with some reflection on becoming a mommy...

1. I really should have appreciated a full nights sleep while I had the chance. A warm cozy bed for eight whole hours? Yes, please!

2. I really should have appreciated those quiet moments with Matthew and the fact that making plans weren't complicated and getting out of the house would only take minutes...

Before John:
Me: Wanna go grab a coffee?
Matt: Sure, let's go!

After John:
Me: Wanna go grab coffee.
Matt: Sure. I'll go change Johns diaper before we leave
Me: Ok. I'll go grab his diaper bag.
Matt: oh, wait, looks like John's hungry...let me make him a bottle
Me: Kay, I'll feed him.
After he is fed...
Me: he needs hs diaper changed again
Matt: okay, I'll change it.
Me: okay, now we can go! But now I'm too tired..let's just brew a pot here and then take naps.

See what I mean!?

3. Those 3 AM wake up calls always come up so quickly, but I do my best to cherish them...I begged God everyday for this and every minute with baby John is an answered prayer.

4. I must now apologize for all my secret judgmental thoughts against new mothers. I'm sorry for thinking you were a sissy-pants when you talked about how tired you were. I thought you were being drama queens...and now I see you were just being human...Being a mom is a lot of hard work and I'm convinced all you do can only be 100% appreciated by other moms. But, then again, that's your fault...You all make being a mommy seem so effortless! Anyway,sorry for my jerky thoughts...

4. Adoption is so hard. Aside from paperwork, waiting, finances...the concept of adoption is a tough one. When it really comes down to it, adoption exists because we live in a sinful world where lives are broken and times are hard. I love the woman who choose life for our baby John, but my heart breaks when I think of all she went through to bring him to us...

5. I am no longer the favorite child, grandchild, niece, cousin, friend (This is, of course assuming I was the favorite to begin with) Whatevrr the title I am no longer #1. A cute baby face always trumps the competition.

6. Dishes won't always get done, my counters won't ever be as spotless as before and my furniture won't always be perfectly polished anymore...that's just the way it is now...

7. Sometimes I am sitting next to Matthew with Baby John in my arms and puppy Mo in Matt's lap, and I am afraid my heart may burst from being too full. I want to always remember these times...they may hold their challenges, but nothing can detract from the beauty of moments like those...

8. I have never been one to worry. Què será-será. But now, I admit, I have gone to check on baby John while he sleeps...just to make sure he's breathing.

9. Nothing makes me happier than cuddling the sweet baby who fits perfectly in my arms...Sometimes I worry if I hold him too much he won't ever want to be put down, but then I think "Is that the worst thing that could happen? Not bad!"

10. I have so much to learn, it's ridiculous...

John's first time at church