John John & The Bean

So, we expected to be a licensed foster care family by the end of October. We had made plans.  To make freezer meals.  To take lots of naps.  Buy a few more odds and ends a new arrival might need.  You know, the calm before the storm, type stuff.  We signed our homestudy less than a week after we finished our class. We were a licensed foster care family two hours later. And 12 hours after that we learned of an infant boy in need of a home.  Four hours later, I was picking him up.  So.  Whirlwind. Overwhelming.  Chaos.  Wait, what's happening right now???  

We know very little about our little bean. We know he's struggling to relax and trust us. That much is obvious. We know that every time John moves he must know what's going on. We know he puts up a fight when he's hungry. He can be starving for his next bottle but he will struggle to finally calm down enough to eat. We know he can fart like a champ. And when he does decide he wants to smile it is thee most precious sight EVER. 

Right now, we are in survival mode.  I want so badly to be good at this. I want to be a super-mom, have it all together, look good while doing it, perfect child-raiser.  But unfortunately, I am sitting here with spaghetti stains on my pants from John and spit up scent on my shirt from The Bean and I feel a bit overwhelmed, under slept, and over worked.  

But, this is worth it.  This is God's child.  God loves this Bean more than I ever could and He trusted Matthew and I to care for him.  WHAT A PRIVILEGE AND AN HONOR. I know that eventually we will find a pace that works for us, and we will find a "normal."  I may even be good at being a mama to two.  One day we may even wanna be parents to three!  Who knows!  But for now, we are in survival mode.  And for now, I'm okay with that.