How To Honor My Husband: My Words

Last Saturday I shared a secret with you: My marriage is not perfect. Shocking, right? I decided to take a long hard look at what I was doing wrong...

I started off easy. My first step to marital bliss was to go from frump to fab! Read the details here. I've almost conquered that and I say that confidently because actually putting on clothes appropriate to leave the house in 1.Made me more productive 2. Made me feel prettier, which made me want to keep that feeling! and 3. I could tell Matt really appreciated it!

(Shorts.  Tank top. Sanoks. A bit of make up.  So comfy but still looks so much better than my yoga pants & frump tee!)

So after that, I added on an improvement with my words. I became more aware of not only what I was saying to my husband but how I was saying it. I started by removing the following words from my vocabulary:

Anything Negative!

I then replaced them with things I admire about my husband.  I also sat down & made a list of adjectives I'd use to describe Matthew, which helped me out a lot & made me feel so blessed! (FYI: My list was much longer than the one below)

Handsome
Godly
Smart
Hard working
Fun
Loving

I used positive words as often as possible. Even if I didn't think Matthew was being particularly hard working at that moment because he didn't want to throw the trash, instead of muttering about his laziness, I threw the trash out myself without a single complaint. Sometimes hard? Yep. But not impossible. And he appreciated my respect & I was much happier too.  Don't sweat the small stuff.

I also watched my tone. I still gave him my unsolicited advice at times but rather than "That's not how you do it" I'd help gently and if he didn't want to take my advice that's where the conversation ended.

Example:
Me: I like to wash John's hair like this! (Happy tone o' voice as I quickly showed him)

If Matt didn't want to do it that way? Oh well! His way wasn't wrong it just wasn't my way!

And finally, I was reading Love and Respect last Sunday and spent all week reflecting on a scripture verse Dr Eggerichs referenced in the book of Titus where the older generation of women are encouraged to teach the younger generation to LOVE their husbands. But the word for love used was the Greek word PHILEO, not agape. Why? Well because I can agape love my husband like nobody's business.  God created women with the ability to love unconditionally...But PHILEO? Brotherly love? Friendly love? Think about it...God knew women would have a harder time with PHILEO.  Our daily lives get in the way.  We can grow frustrated & often times even impatient.  As Eggerichs says in his book "She may scold & sigh way too much.  After all, there is always something or someone who needs correcting.  She cares deeply.  Her motives are filled with agape, but her methods lack phileo" God knew that our husbands would truly desire that kind of phileo-lovin', so He made sure those instructions from Titus 2 made its way into the Bible and into our hearts!

I also surprised Matt with kind words in other ways. Like a quick text thanking him for working so hard and even a few mirror-notes to start off his day.  Doing things like those were much easier but it meant a lot to him.  How do I know?  He told me.

 (Dry Erase Markers are perfect for mirrors!  I use them to write love notes to my hubby & to put scripture in a place we'll see it everyday!  Comes off easily with just a little glass cleaner!)

How do you honor your husband with your words?

Next week: Honoring my husband by serving him.

(Disclaimer: Please do not read too deep into these posts.  I am being honest in saying that my marriage needs work but it is not in trouble.  Truth is...your marriage needs work too!  I'm enjoying the fruits of my labor & have never loved my husband more than I do today!  But, sometimes life gets in the way.  It's just so daily!  I think we all need these reminders & the encouragement to make a deliberate effort to improve our lives with the ones who lead our homes, holds our hands, makes us laugh & loves us like crazy: Our husbands!)