Dear Haven

 Twelve years ago I joined the Junior Varsity cheer squad at my high school.  I became friends with girls who became like sisters.  And now, I still keep in touch with a few...thanks to the power of the internets of course.  But one girl in particular, Shalena, though some years went by without talking, I always considered her a friend.  Eventually, as the Lord had it planned, we both married & became a part of the same young married couples ministry through their church.  Then Shalena & her husband had a baby.  A sweet girl they named Haven.  Ten weeks later John John arrived.  Haven & John never got around to meeting...life happened as it often does & we always promised to get together but never actually made that happen. 
One day, Shalena emailed a few of us girlfriends asking for prayer about childcare arrangements for their sweet girl & I offered my very professional services.  Professional meaning the only experience I have is a tiny toddler I am learning to parent...

So Haven joined John John & I for a few hours every day & has become quite an important little member of our family.  Tomorrow will be my last day with Haven.  Next week will be spent packing getting ready to move...and the following week...we move.  I spent the better part of this evening reflecting on the past few months with Miss Haven & I decided just a few random thoughts in my head were no good...I needed to let Haven know exactly how loved she is and what better way to do that then on a virtual scrapbook I call a blog?  So here goes...

Dear Haven,

I cannot believe that tomorrow I say goodbye to you.  I cannot believe how much I have grown to love you.  Truly.  When you first started coming over you were so unsure.  We had a tiny little boy with hair as big as your head, a dog who only wanted to eat you & we had Matthew, who you were deathly afraid of.  I assume it was & still is the beard that throws you off.

You challenged me.  You were stubborn & too smart for your own good.  You would take John's toys & pull at the dogs tail.  I prayed for patience.  There was about four weeks where I questioned everything I thought I knew about parenting as I struggled to get you and John to share & play well together.  I prayed for guidance.  I wondered when you would stop using wrestling moves on John as you'd pin him to the ground in a move you like to call "a hug."  I prayed for no bruising.  I see now that all of this was just growing pains.  You learned to trust me & you learned that the guidance I gave you was out of love.  You & John learned to share & say "please!" and "thank you!"  and...well..you still wrestle John to the ground.  But he's learned to run very fast.  Haven, you helped me become a better mama, a more patient person & woman who seeks God more than before.

You have blessed me with hugs & kisses & giggles.  And with each kiss & snuggle I knew that this was where God wanted you.  I've loved our snack time & leaf collecting & shopping trips.  I've loved watching your walls break down bit by bit towards Matt.  He was so happy the first time you blew him a kiss goodbye.  You have made me realize that he needs a daughter.  And if that's God's plan for us...I hope she's like you.  Smart.  Caring.  Brave.  Affectionate. 

So tomorrow, Miss Haven Grace, when you leave my house for the last time..you won't know that you won't be coming back to play again.  And neither will John.  And though I am grateful that you two are too little to understand the pain of missing somebody, my heart hurts knowing you are losing your best buddy & John will be losing his.  Haven, you have brought out the best in John.  You have turned him into a brave little boy who actually lets you snuggle on his lap & giggles when you kiss him.  He became a bit more affectionate having you around.  So, with that, little girl, I say goodbye.  You were a sweet and beautiful addition to our family while it lasted & I promise to bring John John back to play every now & then...seriously.  Without you around who will toughen him up & then wrestle him down?  You will be missed around here!

Praying God protect you and bless you.

Love,
Ashley

basically the only photo I have of these best friends actually sitting still...and as you can see they were bribed with goldfish & a movie just so I could have a quick moment to myself...

Hello!

It's been so quiet around here...I'm pretty sure tumbleweeds have tumbled past my computer since it's been so long since I've visited.  So much has happened & I've enjoyed not pressuring myself into writing about any of it.  But, alas, I couldn't stay away any longer.

The baby has been very busy lately!  He walks, runs, jumps, rolls, crawls & every now & then even does some yoga.

 He is still an easy going & joy filled baby.  We thank God everyday for his incredibly cheesy smile,

his healthy development & especially his dance skills.  Seriously, we spent the weekend out of town for a family wedding and he danced the entire night away.  Like, he had a circle formed around him while he cut a rug.  He danced with the bride, momma, strangers & himself.  As long as his booty was shakin' he was a happy camper! 

 As for Matthew & I, and my constant quest for the best marriage possible...we've been doing pretty well.  We've been getting out on dates more often, hanging out and talking more often & truly & sincerely trying to be the best version of ourselves that we can be for one another.  I see it in Matthew all of the time.  His sacrifices, his ability to get out of his comfort zone for me & his love for John John.  He's my favorite...especially because he puts up with my craziness.  So he scores like 8 million points just for dealing with me after four cups of coffee & late at night when I'm tired & cranky & even when I'm overwhelmed with life.  He's cool.

In other news...If you haven't seen it on Instagram...we're moving!  Matthew has been transferred to Las Vegas, Nevada & we leave for our new home December 27th!  Two days after Christmas! (The date on the photo below is wrong!)  I caannot believe this is happening. 

We contemplated going out there years ago when there was no sweet little John in our lives & it never worked out.  But the Lord willed it & His timing is perfect, so we have an apartment waiting for us & in a few days time we'll start packing up & preparing to move.  I couldn't be more excited & more sad.  My family is my everything.  We live so close to almost all of our relatives that I cannot imagine what life will be like when we aren't just a quick car ride away.  But I'm also pretty excited to decorate our new place & to finally have an actual room for John John.  If anybody happens to see my husband...or hey, just wanna hunt him down and harrass him, I'd REALLY like an ETSY giftcard for Christmas.  Oh prettttyyy please!!!!

I hope ya'll are enjoying the Christmas season & getting into the spirit of it.  Right now, John John & I are doing an Advent reading plan with our Jesus Story Book Bible.  I've never done something like this before so I am excited to do it with John!

The Best Days of Our Lives

A few weeks ago I was out and about early Saturday morning.  I was forced to stop & put gas in my car as the needle was slowly nearing the E indicating empty.  It was just an annoying pit stop in a list of other errands that had to be made but thanks to my morning cup of coffee I was in a fairly good mood considering the early hour.  I stepped out of the car, began to pump gas & chatted with John John strapped into his car seat in back.  I noticed an old, homely looking man gathering bottles from the trash can next to the pump & smiled & said good morning.  He looked up, smiled brightly right at me and said "Well good morning!  It's night to see such a sunny face around here!"  I laughed and told him that we could all thank strong coffee for my pleasant mood.  As he chuckled, he noticed my son in the backseat and (rather politely, actually) mentioned that I seemed to young to be a mom.  I laughed and said "No!  I'm old!  I'm almost 28!"  And then it happened. 

In casual conversation he said what would change my outlook on everything.  I wish I could remember verbatim but it went something like this:

"Oh, dear!  Don't let people tell you that the best years are behind you!  The best is yet to come!  You always think that 'this must be the best' and 'this must be as good as it gets' but trust me, coming from an old man, life just keeps getting better and better."  

What he said was simple & could have been easily dismissed coming from a graying man with ratty clothes and an old rusting bike.  But it made me think.  It's true...I always thought that high school was the best.  I remember appreciating my youth, my innocent outlook & lack of responsibility.  High school was the best.  Then I graduated & moved out.  I was independent!  Meeting new people.  Killing it in college.  My early 20s were the best.  Then I became a Christian and met Matthew.  We got engaged & married.  Mid 20s were the best.  But then we started the adoption process & now have a beautiful child of our own.  Late 20s are the best.  I thought all of this in a flash as I finished pumping gas and buckled myself back in & drove away.  I have always worried that I am nearing the end of the best days of my life & the rest of my days will be mundane, and boring.  But each new stage, each new season.  It's the best.  It's funny how life works.  As I get older I only enjoy this life more & more.

With that said.. In a surprise twist to what was going to be a routine week on the calendar, Matthew ended up not going into work for the past few days.  It has been the sweet sweet time for our little family. Quality time is next to nil in this home.  But for five glorious days we have enjoyed being a family of three.  Matthew has joined John John and I on our evening walk.  We held hands as we walked slowly behind our son who ran through the courtyard  socializing with the neighbors.  We walked to the vending machines and discussed soda options.  We sat in the living room and watched John explore toys and books and games.  We played as a family.  Tickled, wrestled, kissed and read to the baby.  We sat and read the Bible and had long conversations on the power of prayer.  John squealed with delight as Daddy chased him and I laughed as they galloped around the living room.  I soaked in every single second and thought "this is the best" but I am still fully confident that the best is yet to come.  These days, they just keep getting sweeter.  The Lord blesses us with so much that it's hard not to enjoy such beautiful moments in a life that can be bombarded with the mundane.