Dear John: You're Driving Me Cray

Dear John,

Of all the babies in the world, I'm pretty sure you've been the easiest.  Maybe it has something to do with how relaxed Daddy & I have been as you've gotten older.  We don't have many rules & the ones we do have are usually for your safety (the others are for our sanity), we like to distinguish between a minor offense of naughtiness & an actual need for discipline.  So yes, maybe it's thanks to the way we've chosen to raise you, but I'm pretty sure you're just an easy going kid.  You sleep through the night & have been since you were 3 months old.  You eat well.  Adjust well to change & are flexible in your daily routine.  You like baths & potty time.  You love stickers, chalk, TV, picking at the carpet & other weird & boring things.  Generally...you're easily amused & easily distracted.  Every mother's dream.

BUT.  Lately.  You've been driving me crazy.  You are fussy & whiny.  Waking up too early.  Not eating enough.  Easily frustrated & prone to tantrums.  When did this start happening?  Why?  Was it something I did?  Something I said?  Why won't you let me sleep in past 6AM?  But, FYI.  I'm also being a bit dramatic.  You're still generally a happy guy but I'm just not used to you having an opinion or a preference.  You've always just been a go with the flow baby.  I think the "problem" is now that you are growing up.  You want certain things above others & don't want things done a certain way.  And you are figuring out how to process these new opinions & emotions & I am figuring out how to handle your processing.  Yikes, baby!

Seriously though,  as upsetting as it is for me to not have a handle on how you are changing, this new stage in your tiny life is amazing.  I have to say, the moments of crazy are overshadowed by the moments of fun & learning.  You are talking nonstop & adding new words to your vocabulary every day.  You are becoming more independent & sillier all the time.  You are sensitive to the way other people feel...I can see that in all kinds of things you do & ways you react to circumstances & I can see that you are understanding much more about emotions.  Obviously, you're still a toddler, but these subtle changes show me you are also a little human capable of all that humans are capable of.  Am I making any sense?  If not, I blame the sleep deprivation. 

John, I want to thank you.  This new season of your life is teaching me so much.  It gives me a chance to practice patience & love.  It gives me a chance to pray to be the type of mother God has called me to be.  One that offers grace & mercy, love, gentleness & kindness.  It challenges me & helps me grow. That's what God wants from us.  He wants us to grow, mature & change.  He wants us to be more like Him, go to Him, rely on Him & love Him.  That's what you challenge me to do: to be more like Him & rely on Him.  So, thank you.

With love,
Mommy